Japanese Amusement Park Tells Visitors to ‘Scream Inside Your Heart,’ Which Is What We’ve Been Doing All Year

It’s summer, and that means people are flocking to newly opened amusement parks, coronavirus be damned. But just because you’re willing to risk COVID-19 infection for a manufactured thrill ride doesn’t mean you have to throw safety completely out the window.

To wit, the Fuji-Q Highland amusement park in Japan is asking roller coaster riders to “please scream inside your heart” rather than out loud so as not to further spread the virus. That should be no problem, as screaming inside our hearts sounds like what we’ve been doing since 2020 began. (Or has it been since the 2016 presidential election? You decide.)

While enjoying a scream-free ride sounds impossible, a promotional video from the park proves it’s not. In the video, a pair of stoic men in face masks and heavily starched professional clothing ride at the front of a roller coaster without so much as breaking a smile, much less screaming their heads off and throwing their hands in the air with abandon.

We understand the need to keep our mouths closed during a pandemic, even while enjoying a roller coaster ride, but if this is what “amusement” looks like now, we might as well stay home where we can mope in private without paying an exorbitant entrance fee or exposing ourselves to a deadly disease.

Cover Photo: Christopher Furlong / Staff (Getty Images)

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