The Mandatory Boyfriend Handbook to Buying Clothes For Your Girlfriend, Inspired by Melania Trump’s RNC Appearance
Photo: BRENDAN SMIALOWSKI (Getty Images)
In all honesty, we would never attempt to buy our wife or girlfriend clothes. It’s a losing battle from jump street. Even if we managed to find the correct size through sheer random guessing, we’re bound to offend them with the color scheme, logo, or something as simple as the length of the sleeves. But, if we were going to take the cold, dark plunge into the icy waters of actually buying clothes for our significant other, it would be a lot easier if we had a palate to base the style on.
Since we’re not sure where else to look, we decided to take our cue from the unique style Melania Trump displayed at last week’s Republican National Convention. Check out our Melania-based tips below.
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Dress to disappear.
If you want to help your lady to find a a way to hide from cameras or any man with a strangely orange sun tan, it’s best to dress like you’re literally wearing a green screen. The greener the dress, the better to blend in.
Try revolutionary chic.
While Che Guavera would want nothing to do with the Trump administration, it obviously doesn’t hurt to dress like the revolutionary that adorns the T-shirts of non-revolutionaries from Bangor to Bakersfield.
Go faux Fidel.
If revolutionary chic isn’t for her, how about taking the exact style of former Cuban leader Fidel Castro and turning it into a smart suit? Nothing says power move like communist-inspired garb.
Belts aren't for pants anymore.
If you buy any clothing item, make it a belt. If Melania has anything to say about it, all dresses deserve to be adorned with some kind of belt.
The bigger the belt, the better.
Not only are belts so hot right now, but big belts are red hot. It literally doesn’t matter what you wear as long as you pair it with a giant, WWE-style championship belt.
Square shoulders are back.
It seems like blocky, square shoulders went out of style in 1988, but if you talk to Melania, they’re back in a big, square, sharp way.
Dresses as large as camping tents.
If you’re going to buy your lady a dress, make sure it’s so long that she could easily add tent poles and sleep in it if need be. Dressing for a potential camp-out is in in 2020.
Bright colors distract.
If all else fails, dress her in the brightest colors possible. They’re bound to distract from the fact that she’s standing near you.