15 New Year’s Resolutions We Already Mucked Up in 2020
OK, so it turns out we overshot. Like many of you, we made a list of New Year’s resolutions that we told ourselves would change our life for the better. Sure, we say that every year, but this time it was different. We meditated. We dug deep. And out popped a gorgeous list of resolutions that we felt was entirely manageable. So jazzed were we by this wellspring of personal promises, that we wrote them all down on a piece of paper and had that paper laminated. Only now, less than two weeks later, we’ve already broken every single one of them. But rather than beat ourselves up about it, why don’t we resolve to celebrate the new year by having a gander at our impressive resolution-based shortcomings and how quickly we achieved them? Prepare to be amazed.
Photo: pidjoe (Getty Images)
No Sleeping With Strangers
Damn. And on the first night, too.
Taking down the holiday decorations was so dreadful, we literally had to smoke a cigarette after.
We didn’t know they were going to open up a fried chicken place right down the street when we said that.
Being More Productive
Yeah, that NYE hangover really stuck the landing this year.
Calling Mom and Dad More
We were about to dial them up when we noticed a new documentary about sponges on Netflix.
Learning a New Language
Who knew learning rocket science in Greek would be so difficult?
Somebody left a 36-pack of Natty Light on top of our fridge and those cans weren’t going to shotgun themselves.
Getting More Politically Active
After 10 minutes of watching C-Span, we literally almost stopped existing.
We couldn’t find a good parking spot so we volunteered to head home instead. And then we volunteered to watch TV and take a nap. Nobody even had to ask us.
How about we just vow to maintain our current weight, give or take 20 pounds?
Living Life to the Fullest
It really all depends on whose definition we're going by. Because we just ate an entire pizza, and we're feeling pretty darn full. Like, the fullest we've ever been.
Being Kinder to Ourselves
Everything was fine until a casual morning Sudoku turned into a self-loathing marathon.
Being Kinder to Others
As soon as we encountered our first four-way stop, someone was bound to get punched.
Um, we forgot we were talking about resolutions here, not fantasies.
Waking Up Earlier
We promise to do better next year. And we're not just saying that this time. We totally mean it. #2021