The Mandatory Recommended Rule Book on When and How to Take Down Your Christmas Decorations
It’s well into January now. And if you still have your decorations up, congratulations, you’ve won Christmas. Or maybe you’ve just been putting your cleanup efforts off because taking down a Christmas tree, half a dozen strings of tangled lights, and a multi-galaxy of Santa-inspired tchotchkes is a huge pain in the ass. If you subscribe to the latter camp, then we have a message for you: don’t stress the mess. Chucking Christmas is easy when you follow the Mandatory recommended daily dose of waiting until the last minute to spring into action.
Photo: Megan Maloy (Getty Images)
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Last Minute Is the Best Minute
Seriously, wait until August if that option exists for you. Because nothing brings neighbors together like a summer BBQ and holiday cleanup.
Who says holiday cleanup has to happen all at once? Why not pace yourself with an ornament a day until your girlfriend explodes with irritation sometime around April?
Gathering the Troops
Take advantage of the leftover goodwill that lingers until late January by asking your friends and colleagues to pitch in. Offer to help with their cleanup next year, then conveniently skip town next Christmas.
Using a Chainsaw
Chainsaws work wonders when untangling pesky lights and rigid tree limbs. But before letting little Billy chainsaw in the house, have him practice outside until he feels comfortable swinging that thing around the other children.
Attempting a Controlled Burn
Nothing goes up in flames faster than a dried-out Christmas tree. With just a small match, you can reduce your holiday mess to dust in no time. Just be sure to have someone on hand with a cup of water in case things get out of hand.
Chucking the Works
The fastest and most convenient way to remove decorations is by launching the entire bundle into outer space. One drawback: you'll have to buy a new baby Jesus every year, along with all your other Christmas goodies. But the sheer ease of cleanup as well as the sight of Baby Jay rocketing to the stars is worth every penny.
Perpetual Boughs of Holly
One loophole worth exploring is simply never taking down your decorations. Why not go a full 365 days a year with the pedal to the metal on Christmas? It's a bold and refreshing choice.
Abort Christmas Cleanup Altogether
Just say goodbye to the festivities, holiday cheer, and spirit of miracles forever by pretending Christmas doesn't exist. Problem solved.