A Man’s Sleep Guide to Sharing a Bed With a Terrible Sleeper
So, you finally found someone to sleep with – and to spend the night with. Trouble is, no one seems to be sleeping well because you’re sharing a bed with a terrible sleeper. This situation is so bad, if you don’t get some shut-eye soon, you’ll have to break up with her just to maintain your sanity. Before you damn the torpedoes, give her the benefit of the doubt – and a little help – with some modern sleep solutions that will have both of you counting sheep in no time.
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The hour or so before bedtime is crucial in determining if she’ll be a sleeping beauty or wide-eyed and owly. An hour before bed, put your phones away, stop streaming, and do something quiet and analog, like going for a short walk, reading an actual book, or taking a hot bath. By making disconnecting part of the nighttime routine, she’ll signal to her body that it’s time to wind down.
Stretch It Out
A brief bedtime yoga routine will put her body and mind in sleep mode. Even five to 10 minutes should be enough to activate her relaxation response. Bedtime yoga tends to be super mellow and easy for everyone, even if you’ve never done yoga before. Learn a few poses from YouTube, then start a regular practice together before you hit the sack.
Ready the Room
Darkness is key to a good night’s sleep. No nightlights, no moonlight, no device glare. Get everything out of the bedroom that doesn’t need to be there; this means your cell phones, laptops, and bright-numbered alarm clocks. Invest in a blackout shade.
A room that’s too hot or too cold can make it impossible to sleep. Her furnace burns at a different temp than yours, so you’ll have to ask her how to make her more comfortable. An oscillating or ceiling fan can also help circulate the air in your room so it doesn’t get too stuffy.
Buy Her a Pillow
Even though you’re probably great to cling to in bed, a body pillow is more uniform and comfortable for her if she’s having trouble sleeping. They come in different shapes and firmness levels and will set you back less than $60. Tell her it’s your treat and let her test out a few in the store so she can find the right fit.
Play With Her Mind
Sleep meditations can be lifesavers for insomniacs. Sample different meditation apps or download sleep mediations from Audible that she can listen to as she falls asleep. Some are just sound waves, while others are guided meditations with a narrator. If you want to avoid having a cell phone screen in bed, purchase a cheap MP3 player and sync the meditations to it.
Drown Her With Sound
Sound machines come in a variety of soothing options, from white noise to rainforest. Take her shopping to find her favorite soundscape and see if it lulls her to sleep.
Plug It Up
On a budget? Nothing beats an old-fashioned pair of earplugs to block out any extraneous noise. Get a pair for yourself, too, so you can remain blissfully ignorant when your girlfriend starts snoring, turning and tossing, or otherwise being audibly annoying.
Give Her All the Orgasms
Sex is a natural relaxant for most people, especially if multiple orgasms are involved. Do whatever you need to do to get her there, then do it again (and again and again), and she’ll be out like a light in no time.
Sometimes, DIY methods just don’t cut it. If none of the aforementioned tricks have worked, it’s time to go medicinal. If she’s a health nut and doesn’t like the idea of pharmaceuticals, valerian root is an effective herbal remedy for sleeplessness. Chamomile tea can also help calm her down before bedtime. If she’s still restless (and she really wants to keep sleeping with you), it may be time for her to ask her doctor for a prescription sleep aid. Just beware of those midnight munchies!
Ask Her to Leave (Nicely)
If she really can’t sleep, the best thing for both of you is for her to get up and go into another room until she’s truly tired. There’s no sense in you losing sleep over her insomnia. When you ask her to leave the room, though, there’s always a chance she’ll walk out the door and never come back. Your gamble.