How Your Girlfriend’s Sleep Style Reveals All Her Dirty Secrets
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There’s science that says your sleep style indicates certain core things about who you are as a person. But what if there’s more to it than that? Instead of just asking a woman who she is and what she wants, (because why just communicate with her, LOL), you could use her sleep style to decipher her deepest, darkest secrets. This cheat code, should you choose to employ it, may self destruct, but you probably already suspected that.
You've probably slept next to this kind of woman at least once. She scoots all the way over to her edge of the bed. This is because her big secret is she knows she can do better than you and can't believe she hasn't left yet.
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If your girlfriend is so grabby during bedtime that you can't get any space, her secret is that she's not human at all. She's actually the iconic H.P. Lovecraft character Cthulhu. Like all mythical creatures, pay her homage or else.
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Night after night you awake and find your girlfriend's ass is pressed against yours like you're in what's arguably the worst part of Darren Aronofsky's Requiem For A Dream. Her secret is that she would argue that it's not the most disturbing part of that film. Which really makes you have to ask, why?
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The Separate But Equal
If your significant other wants space while she catches zzzs, that's normal. Be respectful of her space. But still, why does she need that space? It's because her secret is alien beings beam her up nightly like that man who says he lost his virginity to aliens.
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Every night, before she goes to sleep, this woman reaches out in the dark and grabs your hand. She wraps her clammy palm around yours and holds it tightly until she starts to snore. Her secret is spends each night pretending you're the guy she actually wants to propose.
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The Separate Sleeper
After a long-enough time with someone, things begin to change. They start to show you parts of themselves they typically try to hide, things like how they prefer sleeping alone. If this is your girlfriend, her secret is that she likes space and that's totally normal. Respect it.
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If you wake up and find your girlfriend asleep on top of you, light as a feather, stiff as a board, her secret shouldn't be a secret at all. She's Nancy from the 1996 masterpiece, The Craft. Don't give her too much power; she's horrible with it. And under no circumstance should you expose her to any magic. You'll regret it.
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Getting zzzs: Hack Away At Insomnia With These Tips
Did you think this was real? Do you realize you could know everything you want about your partner by simply asking? Or do you prefer to simply go with pseudo-science instead of actually connecting with your partner? Let us know in the comments!