The Hilariously Helpful Mandatory Tenant’s Guide to Avoid Getting Evicted
Photo: 10’000 Hours (Getty Images)
With over 100 million people renting their homes in America, there are bound to be a few problems now and then. Sometimes the water heater breaks or a doorknob comes loose, and the landlord is nowhere to be found. Landlords don’t always provide the service they should, staying out of sight and collecting checks until they raise the rent or sell.
But even if every landlord isn’t the ideal one, you, as a renter can be, by quickly reviewing Mandatory’s guide to being an oh-so-good tenant. Get ready to be named “Tenant of the Month” 10 years running with these 11 golden rules, assuming that’s a thing in your building.
Look your best: Everything You Need In Your Medicine Cabinet To Convince Snoops You’ve Got It Together
Don’t start a cult in your apartment.
We all secretly want to be accommodating and help our new cult friends get on their feet, but your landlord won't appreciate the monthly sacrifices in the game room or the 12 people crashing on your couch.
Don’t pay rent in daily installments of loose change.
We know, it shows initiative to come up with a financial plan, but this isn't the one you want to go with.
Don’t redecorate by adding a veranda where there was none.
Every residence needs a personal touch to make it feel like home. Paint, posters, plants, and new drapes can all do wonders for a drab space. But as much as you can see it in your mind's eye, try to refrain from putting in the sun room that you feel would tie the room together.
Don’t operate a meth lab out of the guest bathroom.
While it might be a great way to pay the rent, most of your neighbors won't enjoy the acrid stench coming from your apartment. Also, unless your landlord is Jesse from Breaking Bad, he won't appreciate the "awesome" setup you've got going on here.
Don’t create a 'toilet free' environment.
We all want a home office, and we love the outside-of-the-box thinking here, but this idea should go straight into the garbage. Find another place to put your desk that doesn't involve removing the toilet.
Don’t throw nightly garbage-can-fire parties in the front yard.
There's nothing better than a fire pit in your front yard, but sometimes a makeshift pit can be hazardous. Special occasions we get, but nightly?
Don’t become a titan of the porn industry out of your back bedroom.
Awesome if you do, but if you're landlord catches wind of it, he'll probably triple your rent.
Don’t open a portal to another dimension by reading the evil passage from the Necronomicon.
This isn't just bad for your landlord, it could put the fate of mankind in jeopardy. Plus, who needs the stress?
Don’t make 24-hour bone broth for your new ramen business.
We tried it once, and the smell never went away. The walls were caked with a porcine permeation until the day we left (without our deposit). Sure, we love ramen, but there's got to be a better way.
Don’t Facebook stalk, then try to date your landlord's daughter.
So it turns out your landlord's daughter is gorgeous. What are the odds? We're not saying you should turn it down if opportunity presents itself, but feverishly looking through her photo album from Cancun at 3 a.m. is not the way to go about it.
Don’t start an alpaca farm in the front room.
It's tempting, we know, but keep the cute little guys outside in a meadow where they belong. Although if you want to keep one as a pet and name him John Belushi, we would understand.