Patient perspective of looming crazy surgeons.

Meanwhile in Oklahoma: Married Couple Perform Gender Reassignment Surgery in Cabin, A ‘Pin the Tail on the Donkey’ DIY Tale For the Ages

There are so many red flags in this story, it’s hard to believe it actually happened. But here we go: a 28-year-old Virginia man was in the market for castration, and took to the internet to find a surgeon to perform one. Somehow, he landed on a website for eunuchs, and made the acquaintance of Bob Lee Allen, a doctor based in Oklahoma who said he would do the surgery free of charge.

The man traveled to meet Allen, who took the unsuspecting patient to his cabin in a small town, where he promised he would lop off the dude’s balls – with the help of his husband of one year, Thomas Evans Gates.

The patient laid down on a wood table lined with operation gowns. Allen wiped his genitals and injected them with numbing medication, allowing him to stay awake during the entire procedure as his manhood was removed by the newlywed team.

All’s well that ends well, right? Well, not exactly. Because after the surgery, Allen allegedly said that he was going to eat the patient’s balls. With a laugh, the pseudo-surgeon claimed he was a cannibal.

Next thing the patient knew, he woke up in a bloody bed in the cabin. He fought to stay conscious and begged Allen to take him to the hospital. Allen obliged, and while the patient recovered with actual competent medical care, the sheriff came calling to Allen’s residence.

There, authorities found a stash of surgical utensils, recordings of other at-home surgeries, a bag of psychedelic mushrooms, and…a pair of testicles in a freezer bag.

The demented doc was charged with counts of conspiracy to commit an unlicensed gender reassignment surgery, unlicensed surgery, maiming, assault and battery with a deadly weapon, unlawful possession of drugs and drug paraphernalia, and “failure to bury a dead human member.” (Yup, that’s a thing.) He got two years in jail, 10 years in prison, and $5,000 in fines thanks to a plea deal. As for his hubby? He testified against Allen and got off relatively scot-free.

So the next time you’re looking for a surgeon who’s going to do anything even remotely related to your balls, remember this horror story and do your research first! When it comes to medical procedures, you get what you pay for.

Cover Photo: powerofforever (Getty Images)