The Essential Don Jr. Guide For Successfully Sending a Sexy Message on Social Media
Donald Trump Jr., also known as America’s favorite douchebag, is the self-proclaimed General in the Meme Wars. He’s also a social media savant. Or so he thinks. In a recent video on Instagram, the posterchild for nepotism lamented his newly abysmal metrics, and blamed his falling popularity on the social media platform’s algorithm.
“Hey guys. Hope you’re doing well. Just watching my algorithms get crushed,” he said. “I guess I did something to piss off the Instagram gods. So, hopefully you’re seeing this stuff anyway. We’ll do what we can. Talk to you soon.”
Just in case you didn’t bother to watch the 15-second video (we don’t blame you), he added this caption: “In IG jail. Watching my post get about 20% of what they were getting last week so if you want turn on post notifications that way maybe you’ll at least see my stuff.”
Of course the declining interest in his “brand” couldn’t possibly be subpar content. He’s got it all – charm, attractiveness, intelligence…OK, he doesn’t have any of those things, but we were able to glean a handful of important hacks from this video that you can use the next time you want to send an enticing vid to someone special. This is the essential Don Jr. guide for successfully sending a sexy message on social media.
Cover Photo: @donaldjtrumpjr (Instagram)
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Film from a hotel room bed.
Nothing is sexier than your head propped on a fluffy pillow and hotel room wallpaper as your backdrop.
Use your bellybutton as a tripod.
Make sure you get your double chin in the shot.
Wear a cheesy, too-tight T-shirt.
Military and tribal-tattoo themes on one T-shirt? Score!
Ditch the clean-shaven look.
Nothing says “do me” like a salt-and-pepper beard you can’t be bothered to dye. Who needs Just For Men? Not this guy!
Look fully intoxicated.
Or high. Even better: both. Because she needs to know you can party.
Get your eyes good and glassy.
You’ll look like you’re crying. Women dig sensitive dudes.
Be as sweaty as possible.
Because perspiration releases all those pheromones, baby.
Talk about your dad as much as you can.
Gold-diggers with daddy issues are into that.
Imply the world is conspiring against you.
Because pity fucks are hot.
Bitch and moan about how unpopular you are.
Then wonder why no one watches your videos.
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