Sensible American Not Liking Odds He’ll Have Any Friends Left After November Election

No one’s excited about the 2020 presidential election. It was thrilling for a minute when the Democratic field was crowded and all the politicians were debating over quaint problems like social security and campaign financing.

Then presidential candidates started dropping out of the race and coronavirus arrived stateside and everything went to hell. Now we’re stuck with Joe Biden, a competent but utterly dull candidate who couldn’t rouse young voters’ interest even if he went viral on TikTok, and President Trump, a madman deep in denial about the piss-poor state of our country. Things got interesting again for a second when Kanye West announced his candidacy for the 2020 election, but it appears that fever dream has also passed.

So what’s a voter to do?

“There’s only one choice here, and it’s Biden,” says Joe Goodman, a self-described “sensible American” in his 20s. “Voters may not be crazy about him, but he’s the only way out of the hole we’re in. But my friends don’t understand that. They’d rather sit out the election than vote for someone they don’t feel strongly about.”

Goodman predicts that Biden will still manage to out-earn Trump when it comes to the electoral college, but he says odds are slimmer that he’ll have any friends left after the November election.

“If you don’t vote, we can’t be friends. But if you vote for Trump, we can’t be friends, either,” he says. “That doesn’t leave very many people left.”

Oh, but it might. They’re probably just all over 60 and living in retirement communities.

Cover Photo: Jupiterimages (Getty Images)

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