Cougar Town: How to Successfully Date a Much Older Woman
Photo: Betsie Van der Meer (Getty Images)
The cougar isn’t a mythical creature who attacks younger men at bars. She’s a bold-ass older woman who knows what she wants and is old enough to go after it thanks to a spike in her sex drive from the ages of 27 to 45. Although you might think you had the time of your life banging that college co-ed during winter break, you probably haven’t even scratched the surface of “peak sex.” And how could you if you haven’t hooked up with or dated an older woman? (Which is totally possible if you know what to do and how to treat them.)
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Don't Call It Dating
Don't use labels. In fact, just let her define the nature of the relationship. It's not that she knows what she's doing or anything, but can you even know if they called it dating when she was younger?
She'll Show You Her Wild Side
Older women are called cougars for a reason. So keep this in mind when you're getting to know your fabulous new MILF friend. Also keep in mind that she may have to get her kids to school early AF during the middle of the week, so she'll also fix your screwed-up sleep schedule, which you should have done years ago anyway.
She Knows Things You Can't Imagine
Let her take the lead, both publicly and privately. Honest to God, you'll end up learning a thing or two if you just take a cue from her, especially in the bedroom. Some of the most sexually well-equipped men were trained by older women. Please, let her help you in this way.
Take Her Advice
Women who live long enough to become cougars have been through it all, so they give good advice. Just remember, even though she may be someone's mom, she's not yours. And if she is, you shouldn't be reading this, you should be heading to the therapist.
But Don't Ask Her For Advice
If you think dating an older woman is a real walk in the park, think again. A hotter, older woman can pretty much do whomever she wants. So if she's picking your dumb ass, it's probably because she doesn't want to deal with anything extra...like your feelings. So tread lightly, be respectful, and enjoy the fact that someone else paid for those glorious tits you get to enjoy.
She's Got Mom Jeans As Old As You
'Sup hipster. So, you love a lady in mom jeans? Well, why not pick one whose mom jeans are the same ones she wore in college? That's like a hipster vintage dream woman who will also train you to act like a human in public with a serious mom glare. Then she'll reward you later when you pull through and stop embarrassing yourself.
She'll Get Next-Level Rowdy When You Go Out
Don't believe us, just watch three episodes of Real Housewives From Wherever-The-Hell. Older woman hit it hard. If she's got kids, this will be an every-other-weekend relationship, most likely. This frees you up to get into whatever you want when she's busy momming. Enjoy that. Also enjoy the fact that she's wine-drinking during the week, and will likely drink your punk-ass under the table when you go out.
She Knows You Don't Know Everything
Remember, you have no idea what you're doing most of the time, so don't pretend like you do. If you're not sure where you stand or what's going on, ask her. Other than that, enjoy the fact that a hot older woman has expressed any interest in you. Part of why she'll enjoy this is watching you bumble around, which you will. The other part is that your junk will work regardless if you're drinking or not. Congrats.
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Have you experienced the ripened fruit better known as the cougar? What are your tips for impressing them without coming across like a schmuck? Let us know in the comments!