‘No Drunks in Bars’ and Other Ridiculous Real-Life American Laws
Photo: Riotous drinking party in public bar (Getty Images)
You might think it’s time to adjust the laws of the land when people are handing out guns like candy canes. Heck, who knew yoga could be so sketchy? But no matter which state you live in, there exist some truly ridiculous and outdated laws that need a second (or third) glance.
Below are just a small handful of some of the most ridiculous real-life laws that are a threat to our liberty. Want to really make America great again? Maybe these laws should be tweaked (or tossed!).
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ILLEGAL: Transporting an Ice Cream Cone in One's Pocket on Sunday (New York)
Monday through Saturday, you're good. However, if you shove that two-scooped vanilla waffle cone in your pocket on the Sabbath, you're committing a crime. Some believed a person once put ice cream cones in their pocket as a way to lure horses away from their owners. Whatever happened centuries ago, it's believed that this law gave birth to the "ice cream Sundae." The ol' ice cream-in-the-pocket trick is also allegedly illegal in Alabama as well.
Photo: Ice cream cone in jeans (Getty Images)
ILLEGAL: Wearing A Fake Mustache In Church (Alabama)
Speaking of Alabama, this law is supposedly in the books in the heart of Dixie because churchgoers didn't want people laughing during service. However, what happens if you pass gas during the Lord's prayer? What if you have a terrible haircut? Are you not allowed to smile during worship? Jesus had a sense of humor, right?
Photo: Kid with mustache (Getty Images)
ILLEGAL: Falling Asleep with Shoes on in Bed (North Dakota)
Well, lock up Big Bird, Ronald McDonald, and anyone who wears Chuck Taylors, because we've all passed out on the bed wearing those shoes that have shoelaces up to our knees. Not to mention high heels, right?
Photo: Heels on the bed (Getty Images)
ILLEGAL: Disrobing in Front of a Portrait of a Man (Ohio)
So undressing in front of a real man is fine, but not if it's his picture? And we assume it's 100 percent alright for someone to do whatever they want in front of a female portrait? Should every art student painting a nude portrait in a class be arrested as well? So. Many. Questions.
Photo: Rear view of naked Caucasian woman (Getty Images)
ILLEGAL: Placing a Coin in Your Ear (Hawaii)
No, grandpa, sorry, we don't have a quarter behind our ears. In fact, you are going to prison, sir.
Photo: Coin behind the ear trick (Getty Images)
LEGAL: Marry a First Cousin After 65 (Utah)
If you can't reproduce, you can marry at 55-years-old. Hey, we guess the Utah government isn't worried about incest as long as you can't produce offspring? Gross.
Photo: Older couple (Getty Images)
ILLEGAL: Giving Your Dog a Lit Cigar (Illinois)
This takes the smoking ban to a whole new level. Rightfully so, we don't want to add chronic coughing to the list of disgusting things our dogs do in front of us.
Photo: Dog banker (Getty Images)
ILLEGAL: Getting Drunk in a Bar (Alaska)
Yes, in Alaska it's against the law to get drunk and "knowingly" enter a bar or drink excessively in a bar to get drunk in the first place. In fact, in 2012, there was an active raid where undercover officers went into bars, arresting those clearly intoxicated. This law is like opening up a casino but making it illegal to gamble.
Photo: Real party of guys and girls getting drunk (Getty Images).
ILLEGAL: Swearing Upon Any Street or Highway (Maryland)
Sorry, road-ragers. It is against the law in Rockville, Maryland to curse while driving. Doing so is a misdemeanor. Well, shit.
Photo: Road rage (Getty Images)
ILLEGAL: Poaching Sasquatch (Washington)
It is supposedly illegal to kill a Sasquatch in certain areas of Washington. Allegedly, in 1991, Whatcom County declared its nearly one million acres an official Sasquatch Protection and Refuge Area. This law actually makes sense. After all, if Bigfoot is real, wouldn't you want to see him alive for Show and Tell?
Photo: A sasquatch/bigfoot walking in the wilderness (Getty Images)
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Josh Helmuth is a sports reporter in St. Louis who contributes to Mandatory.