Pregnancy announcements are a big deal on social media, and Katy Perry went all out with hers on Wednesday when she dropped a new music video featuring a prominent baby bump. The song, “Never Worn White,” is about her engagement to actor Orlando Bloom, who proposed on Valentine’s Day of 2019. In a power ballad that will make your ears bleed and your eyes roll, Perry croons about how she’s “stood on the edge of love / but never took the leap” and is scared to say “I do” because she’s never worn white (apparently her 2010 marriage to Russell Brand didn’t count).
But wait! It gets sappier. Perry appears in the video wearing a white bridal gown, followed by an extravagant dress that looks like Mother Earth barfed an entire field of flowers on her. The bulk of both outfits conveniently hides the big surprise at the end: that Perry’s expecting her first child with Bloom. (Cue gratuitous belly rubbing.)
In an Instagram Live video, the Grammy Award-nominated singer gushed to her fans, “I am excited. We’re excited and happy and it’s probably the longest secret I’ve ever had to keep. I like to tell you guys everything but I knew I would tell you in the best way, which is through a piece of music because that’s… I guess that’s how I speak to you. That’s how we speak together to each other.” On Twitter, she added, “omg so glad I don’t have to suck it in anymore.”
No, the mama-to-be certainly doesn’t have to suck it in, but her music is sure starting to suck. Perry’s been known for pumping out pop bops like “I Kissed a Girl” and “Firework,” but “Never Worn White” isn’t the good kind of earworm. We can only imagine how her baby feels, having to listen day in and day out to the singer rehearse songs that sound like Celine Dion B-sides. Let’s hope someone gifts the baby earplugs as soon as it’s born this summer.