Is That Banana in Your Pocket Organic? And Other Updated Pick-Up Lines For Cultured People Who Hate Dating
We don’t blame you if you make a point of avoiding the dating scene like the coronavirus. But let’s face facts, humans were built to mingle, meaning one way or another, once that dry spell hits, you’re going to have to get out there and look for water. Because loneliness is like thirst. It can make you dizzy, irritable, confused, and eventually so absent of life-force that you collapse in agony for the vultures to pick apart. Don’t collapse in agony for the vultures to pick apart. Instead, master some of these 100 percent fresh and modern pick-up lines so you can cut through the noise at the bar and straight to the chase. Life is too short not to have a great opening line. So study our Shakespeare-level crushers below and soon you’ll be generating cultured repartee all on your own. Good luck out there and happy matchmaking.
Photo: Roy Mehta (Getty Images)
The New Classic
"I’d get arrested protesting a pipeline with you."
"You must be one hot piece of carbon because you’re warming my globes."
The Animal Lover
"I saw you from across the room and could tell right away you were a sensible vegan."
The Don Juan
"I would delete all 12 of my dating apps for you."
"There’s nothing sexier than a woman with a tote bag."
"You could be a part-time model...for the ACLU."
The Sweet Surrender
"You make me want to be a feminist."
The Bar Top Segue
"Hi there. Can I buy you a pesticide-free, 100 percent organic wine spritzer?"
The Flattery Grenade
"Both my brothers are gay, but they’d probably go straight for you."
The Same Wavelength
"You look like a nice God-hating liberal. Buy you a drink?"
The Dating Diss
"What do you say we become the first people of 2020 to fall in love in-person?"
The Manhattan Closer
"You remind me of something Philip Glass once said, I believe it was in augmented 6th."