10 Absurd Food Allergies You’ve Never Heard Of
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One of the fun things about living in the 21st century is that people are allergic to everything. Food allergies are particularly prevalent these days, with milk, eggs, wheat, soy, peanuts, tree nuts, fish and shellfish allergies rounding out the “Big Eight” offenders.
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While the consequences of food allergies are no laughing matter (being exposed to a food allergen can cause anything from a skin rash and vomiting to losing consciousness and even death), there are some more obscure food allergies that just beg to be joked about. (We’re laughing with you, not at you, fellow sufferers.) Here are the 10 absurd food allergies you’ve never heard of.
Say it ain’t so! What in the world do people with an avocado allergy put on their toast? We can’t even imagine the torture of boring guac-free Chipotle burritos. Then again, avocado allergy sufferers probably save a lot of dough over a lifetime.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but not if you’re allergic to them. Can you even fathom not having a hearty slice of apple pie a la mode every fall? What do they do come harvest time? Pick pumpkins? A life without apples is just too sad to contemplate.
This one really strikes us as odd, given how benign bananas are. They’re basically flavorless, phallic mush. Their only real use is as a banana phone, and how are you supposed to call your imaginary friend if you can’t touch bananas?!
C’mon, no one actually eats celery. This allergy is not even worth our pity.
Have a coconut allergy? Bummer. Guess that means no macaroons for you and you’ll have to just drink, oh, we don’t know, plain water like God intended?
How would you ever know what the tropics taste like if you got diagnosed with a mango allergy? For some reason, people allergic to mangoes may be more likely to be allergic to latex, too. Honestly, we don’t even want to know how they figured that out.
This food allergy is a doozy because the allergen is actually gelatin, so more than marshmallows are verboten. While gelatin is technically a “food ingredient,” you probably don’t realize how many foods have gelatin in them until you find out you have an allergy to it and are banned from eating delicious treats like gummies, marshmallows, and frosted cereals. Thoughts and prayers, gelatin allergy sufferers. We’ll eat double in your honor.
If you're like the average hot-blooded male, potatoes are probably one of your main food groups. Sadly, for those with potato allergies, every delicious tater incarnation, from fries to tots to mashed, are forbidden. We feel for you, dudes. This just ain't right.
Now this is just cruel and unusual punishment from the allergen gods. What is one supposed to scarf down at the ballgame? Cracker Jacks? (Do they even sell those anymore?) Hot dogs are a dietary staple of every man and child! We demand a refund on this dumb ass allergen!
If the universe were just, people would only become vegetarians if they had a red meat allergy. Alas, that’s not how the world works. Now, not only do we have to make something special on the grill for every vegetarian at the BBQ, we also have to factor in your cousin Billy who can’t eat anything worth grilling.