Apple iPad
Go for broke!

Responsible Millennial Finally Pays Off iPad Just in Time to Upgrade to Better One

Photo: Eva-Katalin (Getty Images)

Young people around the country are smiling today, but not because spring is near and butterflies and flowers seem to be invading the planet. Apple just announced the release of its new iPad and millennials are fired up about the latest consumer product in the never-ending cycle of debt that has become such a motivational force in their lives.

“It’s so exciting. I just finished paying off last year’s model. The timing couldn’t be better,” Dave from Silverlake gushed.

With an 8-megapixel camera on the back and a 7-megapixel camera up front, people’s FaceTime face will now look almost as good as their Instagram-selfie face. Offered in three classic colors – gold, silver, and space grey – Apple fans are lining the block to be the first to get their hands on one.

“I have seven,” Allison from Brooklyn said. “I keep them all in the closet behind my Nite Brite and Nintendo, but sometimes I have to take one out and use it whenever I leave my phone at the bar.”

While the anticipation is palpable, others are worried that soon iPads will be indistinguishable from iPhones.

“The new iPad mini is so small, what if I confuse it with my iPhone?” Blake from Orange County, who is on the verge of tears, told us. “I have a special pocket for everything. What if I put the iPad in the wrong pocket? I don’t think I can handle any more stress.”

Apple quietly released the new product without much fanfare on Mar. 18. The 10.5-inch iPad Air starts at $499 with the 7.9-inch mini (the first since 2015) retailing for $399. At only $50 per inch, anyone with a credit score of 700 or above can get their hands around one today.

“Why not?” Dave from Silverlake yelled. “Go for broke!”

We rounded up some other techy things you think you need (but don’t) below.

Music you can almost see: Loud Music-Playing Bluetooth Sunglasses That Don’t Scream Nerd Alert

Cleanse your dirty device: How To Spring Clean The Filth From Your Digital Life

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