undies oral sex

FDA Approves Cookie-Flavored Undies to Prevent STIs During Oral Sex, Sorry Is That Supposed to Slow Us Down?

If you needed some incentive to eat your girlfriend out (other than providing her with the greatest pleasure known to womankind), you’re in luck. Now there are cookie-flavored undies she can wear while you go down on her.

The purpose of these panties is to help stop the spread of STIs (because, come on, no one in the history of humanity has ever used a dental dam). But they’re also perfect for germaphobes who fear the sight, smell, and taste of a woman’s holiest of holy places as well as men who are too, well, pussy to face a bare-naked pussy.

The enticing undergarments are called Lorals, and they’re the first prophylactic panties approved by the US Food and Drug Administration to protect against oral sexually transmitted infections.

“Oral sex is not totally risk-free,” Dr. Jeanne Marrazzo, director of the division of infectious diseases at the University of Alabama at Birmingham, told the New York Times.

Oral sex can spread herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, and human papillomavirus (aka HPV). It’s that last one you really gotta watch out for ‘cause it is one of the most orally transmittable STIs. While for many who contract it, it’s no big deal, for others it can progress into genital, cervical, oral, throat, and ass cancer. And you definitely don’t want to come down with that.

So maybe give these unfortunately-named Lorals a try. They come in bikini or “shortie” cuts, are as thin as condoms, and smell like vanilla. They retail for $25 for a pack of four one-time-use panties.

Marrazzo said this particular form of protective barrier can “reduce anxiety and increase pleasure,” which only proves she’s never used any kind of safe-sex barrier. (If sex felt better with condoms, we’d wear them all the time, right, gentlemen?)

Seriously, though, if you’re lucky enough to be having sex, it should be safe sex (so you never have to stop having sex to deal with an STI). Oral with undies might not be as awkward as you think. As one satisfied Lorals customer put it, “He was very, like, gung-ho about it when he realized that: ‘Oh, I can do all the things.’”

Did you hear that? All the things! Have at it, fellas, and report back.

Cover Photo: Lorals

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