oral sex
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Meanwhile In Nature: Male Darkling Beetle Gives Oral Sex to Impress Female Before Mating, Could Teach Humans a Thing or Two

Insects may be small-brained, but they know the importance of giving head. No, we’re not just making a nasty joke. It’s scientific fact. There’s a species of desert beetle called the Mongolian darkling beetle (officially known as Platyope mongolica) that uses oral sex to convince its mate to procreate.

Researchers at the Chinese Academy of Agricultural Sciences recently described the “precopulatory” ritual of these bugs in dirty detail in a new study published in Ecology and Evolution. Apparently, the male uses part of its mouth (dubbed the “maxillary palpi”) to stimulate the female’s genitals. If she’s interested, the female thrusts her hips upwards. He then mounts her and wham, bam, thank you ma’am.

But this isn’t the sordid stuff of erotica or even a meet-cute rom-com. It’s all very quick and transactional.

Still, we can learn a thing or two from the behavior of these creepy-crawlies. When the males’ maxillary palpi were removed (and therefore oral was impossible), the length of the bugs’ sex sessions decreased. And if the beetles skimped on oral, their smashing was more likely to be unsuccessful. Finally, if the female didn’t like the male’s eating-out style, she would simply ghost him in the middle of the act. (Ouch. That’s gotta hurt.) It’s like the human equivalent of the head tap in Seinfeld.

“We confirm that precopulatory oral sexual contact is a form of investment for successful copulation,” the researchers concluded.

In other words, make sure you put in the time with your tongue if you want to get your dick wet, too. Thanks for the, um, heads-up, science!

Cover Photo: megakunstfoto (Getty Images)

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