mature man sits up in bed happy about his hospital visit

Alarming Rate of Young Men Getting Vasectomies Has Perfect Built-In Pick-Up Line, Climate Crisis Doubles as Great Excuse When No Women Want Your Babies

Young men are getting clipped at an alarming rate. And no we’re not talking about a sweet fade from their neighborhood barber. We’re talking about severing the vas deferens (the tube that shuttles your sperm from the sac to the great unknown) and knotting it like a pretzel so your spunk no longer contains any sperm. And while the procedure has been around for 200 years, the reason many men are racing to get vasectomies today is to save the planet one vanilla steamer at a time.

If that sounds crazy to you, welcome to the modern world. A recent study published in Environmental Research Papers says the number one biggest impact on limiting carbon emissions is having fewer children. For instance, while getting rid of your car can reduce your yearly emissions by 2.4 points, ditching your sperm can impact your carbon footprint by up to 58 points.

Historically, the onus has been on women to practice birth control, but young men, feeling the literal weight of the planet on their shoulders, are taking direct action in the most personal way possible. Doctors around the world have noticed an uptick in climate change-related vasectomies, and that number is only growing.

Take it from recent snip tripper Lloyd Williamson, “I thought: you know what? I don’t want to bring a life into this world, because it’s pretty shitty as it is and it’s only going to get worse.” Beautifully said, Lloyd.

Luckily, there’s an upside to getting a vasectomy in your 20’s. Not only will single ladies find your sacrifice for mother earth extremely noble, but they’ll also be twice as likely to sleep with you even if, on a cellular level, they feel repulsed by the very thought of having your babies. Now that’s what we call ballin’.

Cover Photo: sturti (Getty Images)


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