Meanwhile In Florida: Dog Hijacks Car and Does Donuts For Over an Hour (Another Holiday Miracle!)
Neighbors on Florida’s Treasure Coast proclaimed it a Christmas miracle when Max the dog hijacked his owner’s sedan to spread holiday cheer. “He wiped out my mailbox,” neighbor Jimmy told Mandatory. “How could he know that I wanted a new mailbox? It’s incredible.” Max spent over an hour maneuvering the car in reverse, taking down old signs, mailboxes, and other yard debris that neighbors had been trying to get rid of for years. “At first, we thought it was one of Santa’s reindeer,” one resident said on condition of anonymity because she was wearing a muumuu, “But when we looked closer, we realized it was Florida dog! We all just gathered around and wept. It was so beautiful.”
Unfortunately, police didn’t agree and cut Max’s miracle joyride short when they gained access to the moving vehicle using the keycode on the passenger-side door. But not before the magic of Christmas had graced the denizens of Port St. Lucie once more. Celebrate all the animals decking the halls this year with these eight tales of magic.
Photo: walik (Getty Images)
Florida hold ’em: Florida Man Loses Card Game, Sets Winner’s Car on Fire With Him Inside (As You Do)
The Christmas Turtle
Days before Christmas, a loggerhead turtle delivered $53 million worth of cocaine to the people of Key West, bringing snow to Florida in another Christmas miracle.
The Magic Pony
A Florida woman who no longer had the power of speech was compelled by the majesty of Magic the miniature mare. Upon laying eyes on Magic, the woman miraculously regained her voice and said, “Isn’t he beautiful?” And when his work was done, Magic moonwalked the f*ck out of there.
The Talking Dolphin
When a mother whale and her calf got beached off the coast of New Zealand, Moko the dolphin stepped in to save the day. By communicating with the whales, Moko was able to lead them back to deeper waters where it was safe. "I don't speak whale and I don't speak dolphin," Conservation Officer Malcolm Smith finally realized in the true spirit of Christmas.
The Bird of Heaven
Back in 1919 at the height of WWI, a pigeon from heaven delivered a message to soldiers on the front, leading to the rescue of 194 lives. His name was Cher. And though he was blown out of the sky by enemy fire, he was posthumously awarded the Croix de Guerre, a French award likely celebrating the joy Christmas.
The Christmas Lions
When a group of rhino poachers had been naughty all year, Santa sent them a message in the form of Christmas lions. The lions tracked the poachers to the Sibuya Game Reserve in South Africa where they proceeded to eat the men alive until nothing was left except the magic of Christmas.
The Sexually Frustrated Dolphin
Zafar was the friendliest dolphin in France, until swimmers realized he was looking for something more. After attacking boats and hoisting women on his nose, it looked like things were not going to end well for Jafar. That’s when another lonely dolphin stumbled into the area wearing a mistletoe hat. The two locked eyes and it was love at first sight. A crisis was averted in this testament to the power of Christmas.
The Christmas Log Fire Cat
When a Yuletide fire broke out in a Brooklyn apartment complex, Scarlett the Cat wasted no time stepping into the role of hero. She saved everyone in the building, risking her own life in the process. Luckily, this cool cat made it out with just a few minor burns and lived to rock another day.
The Silent Chihuahua
When guests came over to celebrate the holidays at a small dinner party in Woodland Hills, California, Gizmo the wonder dog performed the greatest miracle of all: he didn’t bark at anyone. And as the festivities carried on, he kept himself busy the entire night.