Political Underdog: This California Town’s New Mayor Is A Golden Retriever
Politics has finally seduced man’s best friend. A southern California town recently elected a shaggy dog as its new mayor in a major upset for the local gentry. Maximus Mighty-Dog Mueller II (his real name) was up against a tough pool of candidates (including two cats) but won in a landslide victory to become the “bone-a-fide” top dog for the mountain town of Idyllwild.
His ascent to the most sought-after seat in the county begs the question: are humans no longer at the top of the political food chain? In an effort to uncover this breaking story, we bring you the latest candidates representing the changing face of politics in America today. Here are the frontrunners.
Cover Photo: meaghanbrowning (Getty Images)
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Grumpy Cat II
While Max II may have that presidential air and willingness to pose for the cameras, Grumpy Cat II is a straight shootin' cynic who tells it like it is. This level of grit and honesty only comes along once in a generation and brings with it the power to transform nations. Current chatter says he's being tapped as VP on the Bernie Sanders ticket.
Harvard Law, MIT, Rhodes scholar, and former economic adviser to Jimmy Carter. While he is none of these things, James has just learned to use a pencil. File under: ones to watch.
Born from the disenfranchised towns and cities across the South, The National Alpaca Freedom Party is growing at breakneck speed. These young, technologically savvy extremists are quickly galvanizing the Gen Z vote via #WolfPac. You have been warned.
This Guy In An Ape Suit
He may not have a high school diploma, but at least he admits when he's wearing a mask. And his total lack of ambition means he won't bend to special interest groups. You've got our vote, Mr. Lincoln. Mr. Ape Lincoln.
This Impressive Cheese Wedge
Nobody can force a wedge issue like this up and coming candidate with ties to France. Rumors of a Roger Stone alliance have been circulating throughout D.C. cheese shops.
A Really Drunk Cary Grant
Sure, alcohol may impair our judgement and make operating heavy machinery incredibly difficult, but we'd rather have a soused gentleman than a sober idiot.
A Spoof Actor
How different is Bill Hader in a wig from Donald Trump, really? Both play dress up, pull pouty faces, and rattle ridiculous things off the tops of their heads. We know politics is a joke, but we'd rather it be one we can actually laugh at.
Wet, Crumpled Up Tissue
Still more useful than the politicians we've got rolling around Capitol Hill these days. And better to look at than Mitch McConnell.
There's a new breed of politician in town, and one by one, they're demolishing the competition and rebuilding the government.
And we couldn't be more ready. Hit it, Grumpy Cat II.