Florida Woman Tries to Steal Brandy by Hiding It in Her Vagina (Slightly NSFW)

BAD: A woman walked into a liquor store and attempted to steal a bottle of booze by shoving it up her vagina.

WORSE: She did it in front of a kid.

EVEN WORSE: The kid is hers, meaning she has procreated at least once.

WORST: It was all for a bottle of E&J Brandy.

According to the Dana Cortez Show, that’s exactly what happened in a Florida liquor store last month, when the woman was caught on camera doing the dirty deed.

Florida Woman Tries to Steal Brandy by Hiding It in Her Vagina (Slightly NSFW)

woman steals brandy by shoving it up her vagina
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but in this case, it’s more like a million.

For starters, it doesn’t look like this was the first time she’s used her birth canal as a theft accessory. Second, the boogeyman is going to seem harmless compared to what this kid is going to see in his nightmares. And finally, for the love of everything holy, let’s hope that bottle didn’t find its way back onto the shelf after it was returned to the store owner.

Speed bumps would have meant trouble for this girl: Tennessee Woman Caught With Loaded Gun in Her Vagina