columbia house
Dissapointed dj looking to cd. Unhappy party guy. Studio shot

CD Hoarder Requests President Biden Cancel His Columbia House Music Debt

For those of us who grew up in the pre-streaming music world, you know the struggle that came with wanting to listen to Ice Cube’s The Predator on demand. We didn’t just get to tell Alexa the track we wanted to hear while gorging on a $20 single item GrubHub order. Nope, we actually had to go to these weird places that sold these things called CDs. Indeed, it was an awful era that involved a level of social interaction that wouldn’t work in these detached, tech-driven times.

But for the elder millennial and Gen X among us, chances are you were a member of Columbia House’s mail-order music club. After all, who could resist eight compact discs for just a penny? A few months of automatic shipments later, you probably ended up like a lot of members did: a zero-income punk who owed Columbia House lots of money. That’s why one CD hoarder is begging President Biden to cancel his Columbia House Music debt.

“All I want to do is be able to live my crappy life with all my shitty Sir Mix-A-Lot CDs and not be hassled by the predators at Columbia House Music,” said the CD hoarder. “I just feel like President Biden shouldn’t be concerned with Ukraine, inflation, or student loan debt but rather canceling my Columbia House music debts.”

Columbia House Music employed a business model known as negative option billing. In other words,  once you signed up for a membership in the club, you started receiving monthly shipments unless you explicitly told the club you didn’t want them. However, you still got the bill.

“The Columbia House Music people are uprooting my life by sending me all these bills by fax machine and it must stop,” said the CD hoarder.

The ball is in your court, President Biden.

Cover Photo: Alen-D (Getty Images)