Amy Schumer’s New Movie Sucks

Amy Schumer has a new movie coming out today called Snatched, and I’m glad I looked at the cast and the synopsis, because I thought it was about Amy Schumer in a room with bread. It’s not.

When her boyfriend dumps her before their exotic vacation, a young woman persuades her ultra-cautious mother to travel with her to paradise, with unexpected results.

The “ultra-cautious mother” is played by Goldie Hawn, so off top you know this movie is less believable than Transformers, because when a woman comes out of Goldie Hawn’s vagina, she grows up to look like this. Maybe they should have said Amy Schumer was adopted. It currently has a 37% on Rotten Tomatoes, and I assume that will go up once Teen Vogue reviews it or reviewers get death threats and petitions for them to lose their jobs because they hate women instead of hating bad movies or whatever. I would call Schumer the female Dane Cook, but at least Dane Cook isn’t a horrific human being.  Oh, and if you need another reason not to see this, Lena Dunham posted this. You’d think Lena would stop publicly supporting things after Hillary Clinton. Honestly, we should be blaming her more than Comey.