Drake Got A Stripper Pregnant

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Drake is a bitch and sings like a bitch and his eyes are way too far apart. Seriously, what’s up with his eyes? Does he have gills? Is that what’s happening? My God, what the hell is up WITH HIS EYES???!! Anyway, he apparently he didn’t pull out of a stripper. Good times. Media Takeout reports:

Well, it appears that rapper DRAKE may be a FATHER – at least that’s what an ATLANTA EXOTIC DANCER is claiming. The young lady, who used to DANCE at the popular MAGIC CITY strip club, has been “retired” since last November when she learned she was pregnant. Since then SOMEONE has been paying her $10K a month, to take care of her bills. Word on the street that SOMEONE is rapper Drake. And while before giving birth there was at least SOME SPECULATION that the child wasn’t Drizzy’s. But MediaTakeOut.com learned that on THURSDAY, the baby GIRL was born . . . and she was more YELLOW than a sunflower. And with EYEBROWS as thick as caterpillar’s. Developing . . .

So this kid looks like a hammerhead shark with jaundice and in need of a waxing kit and is probably named Cialis Ebony or something else hoodrat because her mom, to reiterate, is a stripper in Atlanta where I assume her stage name is Cocoa Butter.