These Tinder Profile Upgrades Give Mediocre Men a Fighting Chance At Love (And Getting Laid)
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Dating apps. They’re the 21st Century’s answer to finding and falling in love, or lust (if you’re lucky). They’re also a way to find out how grossly unappealing you are to women. However, all that is usually some sort of error on your part. Yes. You heard it here first. Men have no idea what they’re doing and we’re going to put an end to it. If you’re looking to shine on Tinder or any of the other dating apps out there, make sure your profile has maximized your bangability with these profile upgrades.
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Lead With a Good Photo of Yourself
If your top photo on Tinder is anything other than the best photo of yourself, stop what you're doing and change that. For the love of God, ditch any memes, photos of animals, blurry photos, and photos that imply sexual innuendos...even if all you're on dating apps for is sex. If your lead photo isn't a photo of you, statistically you're going to get the left swipe, because who's got time to investigate why you thought a meme would be a good selling point? #facepalm
Photo: Picture Alliance / Contributor (Getty Images)
Make an Impression
Dick is global and the market is flooded. Because of this, you're going to want your "about me" section to say something clever and memorable. Be honest, don't lie, and give it some effort. If this kind of thing gives you anxiety, share three random things about yourself that makes you unique. Another conversation-starter is the greater than/less than debate like, TV > Film, Tacos < Burritos, Cats > Dogs. Because nothing starts a conversation like someone vehemently disagreeing with you.
Seriously though. Whatever you do, don't leave this part blank. Nothing says, "I have a mattress on the floor," quite like a blank profile. Don't open hard by disappointing them; close with that material.
Tinder is a numbers game, but would it kill you to put a little effort into making matches? There's seriously no reason that your profile should look like it was generated from a form letter in 1983. This is your chance to humanize yourself, so you can potentially match with someone you can have mutually consensual sex with. No attractive woman will swipe right on every guy she sees, so you should play to her weaknesses. If you've got a photo of a cute puppy or you volunteer at a soup kitchen, say so. Seize the opportunity to show her that you're worth her time.
Up Your Photo Game
With dating apps, your photos are your selling point. They're the first thing people see and how they mainly judge you. There's zero reason all your photos should be selfies or group photos. No one should have to play detective to realize who you are (especially if your friends are hotter than you). Even more importantly, never post a photo of you and your ex with her face blurred out. People guilty of this look pathetic and lazy. An appealing profile has a variety of photos that clearly display what you look like and who you are. If you can't pull this off, you shouldn't be allowed to date, let alone use a dating app.
Photo: Dougal Waters (Getty Images)
Be Clear About Your Intentions
Be real. If you're only looking for sex, say so in your profile. An honest, well-rounded profile is best even if it means you'll potentially miss out on matches. But seriously, who wants to deal with a chick texting you day and night for three months just because you were too big of a pussy to admit that's all you wanted in the first place?
Do you have any fail-safe tips for creating an appealing dating profile? Share them and help your loveless (and probably sexless) friends out.