Woman Having Sex With Aliens Wants to Know Which Abortion Laws Apply to Her

Question: Do recent changes in abortion laws affect sexual relationships of an intergalactic nature? Or are they strictly for Americans dealing with the current evangelical-style conservative takeover that is seeking to strip women of their legal rights on a human-to-human level? Asking for a friend.

Angie (not her real name) has an unwanted alien pregnancy. She didn’t discover this until 12 weeks in. Can she opt for a voluntary termination in her home state of Texas given they have the strictest abortion laws in the country? And what are the loopholes lawmakers can use against her?

For instance, does it matter if the alien daddy has a criminal record in another quadrant of the universe if the probe was consensual? Would it make a difference if a galactic oracle foretold that Angie’s alien baby would eventually grow up to enslave the human race? Are we even mature enough to have this discussion?

The truth is, unwanted alien pregnancies are a serious issue well documented by the US government. Alien babies are arriving by the saucerful. And if we know our fundamentalist Christian brethren, the one thing they hate more than abortions is illegal aliens.

What a pickle.

For his part, the alien father-to-be believes that his Earth mistress should have the right to choose what she does with her own body. He believes the right to an abortion is a personal decision that no one else should be able to make for you. But obviously, he’s from a civilization so advanced that ineligible bachelors are able to casually travel billions of lightyears from home to find women willing to sleep with them. Humans, on the other hand, haven’t even probed Uranus.

Maybe it’s better to accept the facts: a new age of Enlightenment is pure science fiction.

Cover Photo: Koron (Getty Images)