The Satirical White Surpremacist Guide to Getting Away With Murder (Justice For Breonna Taylor)
We don’t have to dig deep into our country’s history to find examples of this. We’ve seen how cops can barge into an apartment on a no-knock warrant while the residents are asleep and fire off rounds of ammunition, killing an innocent bystander in her bed with five gunshot wounds.
Lest you’ve forgotten, her name was Breonna Taylor and, after Kentucky attorney general Daniel Cameron announced on Wednesday that no police officers involved in her murder would be charged for her death, protests spawned all over the country.
This gross injustice got us thinking: how do these cops literally get away with murder again and again? We came up with a satirical guide to answer that question. (Emphasis on satirical.) Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, and every other BIPOC killed by police deserve justice — and we mean that sincerely.
Cover Photo: avid_creative (Getty Images)
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First, go to the wrong apartment and shoot someone in their sleep 5 times.
Arrest their significant other, not the shooter, in attempt to point blame elsewhere.
Offer plea bargain to former significant others if they're willing to create a false narrative about the victim being part of a crime syndicate.
Ignore the family's plea for justice, like all of them.
Confuse everyone by filing charges that make no sense. Instead of the shooting, focus on the shots fired that missed.
Arrest anyone who stands up against this kind of behavior.
Redefine the dictionary definition for 'justice' with the poop emoji.
Re-elect the monster who condones this heinous guide.
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