Vegans Plan to Be Triggered During Holiday Pictures When Asked to Say ‘Cheese,’ Prefer to Say ‘Soybean Sprouts’

It isn’t easy being cheesy, especially if you’re vegan and it’s the holidays. In fact, it’s almost impossible not to tell someone you’re vegan when surrounded by tables of refined sugar, egg-nog and salty meats, but that’s not so different from any other day. The real problem this holiday season will be when outrage culture meets vegans having to say “cheese” during the incessant holiday photos. Although “cheese” provides the awkward “cha” shape your mouth needs to upset your mother, who still can’t work a camera, and your father who can’t find the “goddamn chip clip, goddammit” anywhere, vegans are now (not so) politely insisting that everybody say “soybean sprouts,” because it’s better for you and for everyone around you, as well as the planet. Other suggested phrases include “spicy cashew cheese,” “flax seed bars” and “fortified plant milk.” While the rest of the family gathers to ask if they can continue to say “cheese,” because it’s easy and they’re used to it, those conversations are expected to be interrupted by vegans with more suggestions because interruptions and suggestions are the two things they’re best at.

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