You think you know a person. You spend weeks, months, even years with someone and feel like you have a deep, soul-tying connection. You know each other’s dreams and aspirations. You feel as though you know them better than you know yourself…
And then you see them make homemade cookies and everything you thought you knew flies straight out the window.
There are so many telling variables when it comes to homemade cookies. Of course there are different ingredients and types, but there are also variables that are way more telling than you probably realize. Let’s look at the different ways you can make homemade cookies and what they say about you as a person. Also we’ll compare them to Die Hard movies, just to make it a little easier to rank them.
The Way You Like Your Homemade Cookies Says Everything:
Also: What People Do In Horror Movies VS. Real Life
The Way You Like Your Homemade Cookies Says Everything
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Chocolate Chip
This is the standard of where all cookies should start. I mean, if you’re making any sort of cookie other than chocolate chip you’re just removing ingredients. You have to make a conscious effort to make your cookies worse.
Even if you want the core ingredient to change, it’s going to be made better by adding chocolate chips. Props to you for not being a complete ghoul. Chocolate chip cookies are the Die Hard of the cookie world. They’re fantastic and can be enjoyed at any given time by just about anyone.
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Peanut Butter
Peanut Butter cookies certainly aren’t bad by any means and have a place in the world, but there are very few circumstances where you’d choose them over chocolate chip. If chocolate chip isn’t available, they’re the next best thing.
I wouldn’t consider it a character flaw if your favorite cookie was peanut butter, but you should realize you deserve better in life. You probably deserve better than your current job and your husky husband too. He stopped trying and you know it. When’s the last time he took you on a date? A REAL date. Not dinner, and not from a Groupon. Peanut butter cookies are Die Hard with a Vengeance. I’m never going to say no to it, but if Die Hard is on, I’m going to watch it instead.
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Sugar Cookie
There’s something comforting about sugar cookies, even if they aren’t necessarily the sexiest or the most prolific ones out of the batch. If your favorite cookies are sugar cookies you probably aren’t that big on sweets and you definitely don’t like to take chances. You’d never eat your steak rare or go to see a movie without watching the trailer first. They’re like Die Hard 2. It’s not necessarily great, but it’s familiar. It’s like an old blanket that doesn’t keep you as warm as a new blanket, but there’s a smell and a feeling to it that makes you feel better. Wow we got a little deep and philosophical there, didn’t we? Don’t worry, because the next one is…
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Oatmeal Raisin
You’re an absolute monster. Oatmeal raisin cookies are the A Good Day to Die Hard of baked goods. They serve no value and only disappoint because you hear the word “cookie” or "Die Hard” and you get super excited, but then you delve into that trash and you just feel betrayed on absolutely every level. Your favorite movie is the first ten minutes of Finding Nemo. You’ve probably spent time under a bridge waiting for goats to cross so you can tear them apart and eat them alive. Change your ways and fix your life.
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Soft Batch
Now let’s get into the way you like your cookies baked. This is just as important as the contents of the cookie. A soft batch shows you have great taste and character. If someone offers you a homemade cookie and it’s soft and chewy, you marry that person immediately. It doesn’t matter if it’s not the gender you’re attracted to or if it’s someone directly related to you. You lock that person down immediately.
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Crispy
You are the epitome of evil and everything you touch turns into ash. I don’t mean that in a figurative way either. Literally when you touch something it is less valuable than before you touched it. Your opinions are usually, if not always wrong. Your favorite food is mustard. You’re generally unpleasant to be around and most people think your teeth are too small for your mouth. You got small teeth, buddy. You should do us all a favor and go live in a hollowed out tree in a national park and leave us all alone.
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Hard Edges/Soft Center
You're cool, I guess.
