The Mandatory Winter Soldier Guide to Pleasuring a Woman When You’ve Got an Innovative Robotic Metal Arm
With the sixth and final episode of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier crash landing on television, Marvel has spread-eagled itself into Phase 4 of the MCU on Disney+. But while Winter Soldier (AKA Bucky Barnes) has the ultimate wingman, compared to their friends on Netflix, there is little to no hooking up in this series. One has to wonder if it has anything to do with Bucky’s metal arm?
Seriously, what is up with that arm? Is it a gamechanger or a dealbreaker on a first date? Does it have a little built-in speaker to play slow jams when things are getting hot and heavy? Is it better than an actual human arm for pleasuring a woman?
So many questions, so few answers, leaving giant plotholes in our hearts. If the show tackled intimacy the way it does gratuitous violence, we’d have a pretty arousing spectacle on our hands. But odds are, even if The Falcon and the Winter Soldier makes it to season 2, we doubt the writers are going to step up the phalangeal pleasure subplot.
Obviously, Marvel is down for the ride, but Disney has its laundry list of reservations. After all, what kind of message would it send to the kids if Winter Soldier was caught engaging in consensual pleasure making?
Risking life and limb, we sidestepped the media conglomerate’s maze of secrecy and did a little digging of our own into Bucky’s personal life. Turns out, Bucky’s robotic arm can do more than just piledrive bad guys. See for yourself in our handy handbook below. (See what we did there?)
Cover Photo: Marvel/Disney
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Does the arm need to be warmed up in the oven first? What intensity of Vibranium kinetic energy projection feels best? Arm yourself with knowledge (and dial in the sexiest settings) before you bring another person into the equation.
Ask Your Best Friend For Their Best Moves
Let your friend's sexual imagination inspire you. Collect as many creative moves as you can in case your metal arm isn't the turn-on you hope it is and you're forced to think outside the box. Pleasure is found where luck meets preparation.
Post Your 'Unique' Dating Profile
Find a lady who loves metal arm porn. If one doesn't exist... one definitely exists.
Wow Her With Your Super-Grip
Nothing will make her feel safer than being rocked gently (but firmly) in your cold, dead arm, equipped with Wakandan Super-Grip. (Patent pending.) Safety and comfort are the keys to full-blown rapture.
Show Her Just How Sensual Robotic Metal Arms Can Be
Sure, you could totally throw a cop car over her head singlehandedly, but can you caress a butterfly? Slow down, dude. Get sensual. The road to Pleasureville was meant for strolling.
Keep a Few Tricks Up Your Sleeve
In case things get weird, remember the move Falcon told you about. If that doesn't work, set your arm to vibrate.
Let Her Take Control
Maybe she's a power bottom. Maybe she wants to feel like she's in control of your bionic arm. In the dance of love, there are no leads, only dancers.
Add a Smidge of Playful Bondage
If the mood is right, obviously. Otherwise, things could get out of hand.
The mind is the biggest erogenous zone. (Other than your giant metal arm, of course.)
If All Else Fails
Just use your other arm, dude. You know, the human one?
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