What Your Favorite Brunch Order Says About You
Brunch is the ultimate dining experience, one that you and your friends look forward to every week. It’s not just a time to indulge and socialize but also a time to size up what everyone else is eating (and ultimately judge them for it). You are what you eat, yes, but maybe what you order is influenced by who you are — and no food is more revealing than what you eat first thing in the morning (or around noon, if it’s the weekend and you’re hungover). What does your weekend feast say about you? We have all the insights below.
Cover Photo: Alexander Spatari (Getty Images)
Honest Timeline: Following Through With Your Sunday Plans After Brunch
You're a priss. You only brunch for the Insta, so naturally you choose the most photogenic item on the menu. You're too uptight to dig in, though; you eat with your eyes and hope no one notices that you don't actually touch your food other than for styling purposes.
You're into trends, and were among the first to jump on the avocado toast bandwagon. You don't mind paying exorbitant prices for what is essentially a two-ingredient breakfast you could've made at home for a couple of dollars. You don't eat avocado toast for its supposed health properties but rather to look hip and impress your friends. As soon as you get home, you're going to fry up a pound of bacon and binge.
You don't believe in demonizing carbs. You've been eating bagels since they peaked in the '90s and you're not going to stop now. You're defiant, a little doughy, and don't care what other people think.
You can drink anyone under the table. But right now, you're hungover and want not to be. You're a burly, bearded, manly dude who can put away more food than everyone else -- combined -- at brunch. The fact that a breakfast burger is going to cure your headache but incite a gut ache later doesn't occur to you. You'll power your way through until it's beer o'clock, then probably swing through a drive-thru somewhere for your second burger of the day.
You appreciate simplicity, and a breakfast burrito represents all your favorite breakfast foods conveniently packaged in an edible wrapper otherwise known as a tortilla. You like a little spice, aren't afraid of a lot of gas, and want to feel uncomfortably full when brunch is done because this is going to be your only meal of the day (or so you tell yourself).
You're a no-nonsense person. You believe food is fuel, and you aren't going to waste brunch on starchy, sugary fare. Instead, you pick the menu item that has a perfect balance of protein, carbs, dairy, and fat: the egg sandwich. It's fuss-free and easy to eat. You might even save half for later because you've got a post-brunch gym session scheduled and you won't let overeating get in the way of your exercise regimen.
You're a hedonist and brunch is a sensual experience for you. The saucier, the sloppier, the better. There's nothing more pleasurable to you than bursting an egg yolk and watching it run down the side of an open-faced sandwich, artery-clogging be damned. For you, brunch is a near-orgasmic experience and it's the highlight of your week.
You like to be pampered, and eating copious amounts of carbs slathered in butter and dripping with syrup is your definition of self-care. You love the sweet, warm embrace of French toast; it's like curling up beneath a fuzzy blanket in front of a fireplace for you. All your cares and worries dissipate with each forkful until you've worked yourself into a state of blissful ignorance and licked the plate clean.
You're the buzzkill of the brunch group. You always order oatmeal and when your dining companions tease you about your choice, you lecture them on the cholesterol-lowering properties of that soupy gruel. You're fact-driven and too smart for your own good and these qualities prevent you from enjoying all the good things in life, right down to brunch. You're such a grouch that you're lucky you have friends to break bread with at all. The ugly truth is that most of them can't stand you.
Every time you eat pancakes, you get a rush of testosterone because they're the trademark food of rugged lumberjacks. You like to think of yourself as a modern-day Paul Bunyan who must prepare for a long day of hard labor with a tower of flapjacks accompanied by a side of bacon. After you finish your stack o' pancakes, you might just have to find some wood to chop, a natural park to hike, or a campsite to set up so you can truly fulfill your inner outdoorsman.
You don't know good food when you see it. At some point, someone convinced you that waffles were delicious, and while you had your doubts (are they supposed to be crispy or soft?), they've become your go-to brunch order and you just can't quit them. What makes waffles so appealing to you are the endless variations on toppings, from fruit to fried chicken. You like to have options but aren't adventurous enough to truly switch it up and try something new. You're in a rut and you can't get out, just like that butter that gets stuck in the little square indentations of waffles.