What Your Favorite Fast-Food Chain Says About You
Oh, fast food. We know you’re bad for us but we just can’t quit you. Be it burgers, burritos, fried chicken, or over-the-top sandwiches, grub served up in a matter of minutes (often through the windows of our cars) is a hearty staple of the American diet. While you might choose a fast-food restaurant based on convenience, more likely you have a hard-wired preference for one chain over the others. But did you know that the counter you sidle up to for your fast-food fix offers insights into who you are? Today, we’re dropping truth bombs bigger than a Big Mac about what your favorite fast-food chain says about you.
Cover Photo: Alexandr Belov / EyeEm (Getty Images)
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You’re a fast-food purist. You know what you like and you want it to taste the exact same way every time. For you, fast food is extremely nostalgic. McDonald’s Happy Meals were the first fast-food experience you ever had, and even now, as an adult, you feel a joyful twinge when you see the golden arches. Sometimes you order a kid’s meal just so you can add to your toy collection.
You're a wallflower. You're quiet and keep to yourself. The reason you gravitate toward Burger King is that it gives you permission to "have it your way." Not that it satisfies you. You recognize the food is mediocre, but at least BK is never busy, and lunch there is your only escape from your boring AF office job. You don't expect much from life and that's about what you get. You haven't gotten laid since the Obama administration. But at least you have that flame-grilled patty to look forward to every day.
You’re higher class than your fast-food eating peers. If you have to eat burgers wrapped in foil and served to you out of a paper bag, you’re willing to pay a bit more for better quality. Wendy’s fills you up without the aftertaste of shame that comes from eating at other fast-food chains. Sometimes you order the chili and a baked potato and feel a little virtuous. It’s almost like a real meal that your mom would’ve made...if your mom were a hot, freckled ginger in cartoon form.
You like your fast food unique. That’s why Arby’s does it for you: they keep it fresh and interesting. From the mounds of roast beef to the onion-studded buns to the curly fries, there’s never a dull day on the Arby’s order board. When you eat "all the meats" (especially more than one sandwich per meal), you feel like a real man. And that is worth every penny (and the inevitable constipation).
To you, two things matter most when deciding where and what to eat: how the food tastes and how full you’ll feel after eating it. Chipotle delivers on both fronts, with torpedo-sized burritos packed with flavor. You love the gut-busting sensation of eating at Chipotle, and you never flinch when they say, “Guac is extra.” You know it’s extra, and you tell them so, because you’re extra! Though you always swear you’ll save half the burrito for later, you scarf the whole thing, and then lie to yourself again, saying you’ll skip dinner, but, ha, fat chance. Thank goodness your skinny jeans still fit.
You have a cast-iron stomach. Or so you’d like to think. And eating at Taco Bell calls your bluff every time. But for you, there’s something strangely satisfying about stuffing your face with South-of-the-border fare, then getting a free enema a few hours later. It’s why you keep going back despite Taco Bell’s bad reputation. The food is cheap and lukewarm, just like you. It’s easy in, easy out, and that’s how you prefer it.
You used to be an athlete. Or you aspired to be. But you could never get off the couch long enough to make it happen. Now you enjoy sports vicariously through the screen with a bucket of the Colonel's "finger lickin' good" fried chicken. By the time you finish a few legs, mashed potatoes, and biscuits, you feel as exhausted as if you'd just led your pro sports team to a major victory.
You're a Christian college student but you're ignorant about the chain's controversial politics around LGBTQ+ rights. All you care about is stocking up on enough chicken sandwiches on Saturday to last you through Sunday, when the chain is closed so you and your bros can go to church and repent for being douchebags.
You're a sheltered white boy and hip-hop fan who thinks he's gangster, but your street cred is actually on par with Justin Bieber. You're kind of a clown, but you're always up on the latest food trends and never miss an opportunity to gorge on Popeyes' notorious chicken sandwich. You even buy a few extra to win favor with the people you wish were your friends.
You’re a health nut. Or at least, you pretend to be. But you’re not afraid of carbs. Subway panders to your pseudo nutrition snobbishness with its so-called healthy sandwiches. You’re detail-oriented, so being able to dictate exactly what does and doesn’t go on your sandwich is essential. If your sandwich artist messes up, you act like a dick. But the customer is always right, so you feel justified. Once your footlong settles in your stomach, you’re going to go for a 10-mile run…eventually.