Honest Timeline: The Immense Joy of a Single Man on Valentine’s Day
For the adult male American, Feb. 14 can be one of the most stressful days of the year. It’s the day capitalists have designated to celebrate your relationship, and you must do this even if it sucks. And you’re expected to show this love in the form of chocolates, flowers, jewelry, and lavish dinners, making Valentine’s Day more than simply a time suck, but also a complete waste of money — unless you somehow manage to be single on Valentine’s Day. Then and only then can you truly celebrate the love of the most important person in your life: you. Perhaps this is you or somebody you know. If not, you should live vicariously through them by reading the honest timeline of the lucky single guy on V-day.
Photo: Fernando Trabanco Fotografía (Getty Images)
Valentine’s Day pressies: Funny and Sexy Gifts That Are Good For a Gag (In More Ways Than One)
You wake up. You have the whole bed to yourself and enjoy your morning knowing you have zero expectations to fulfill. You. Are. A. Single. Man.
Work is relatively easy and there's heart-shaped cake in the staff kitchen. Score.
You agreed to go out with your boys after work. Like the responsible adult you are, you check your bank account to see how much you can spend later. Oh, snap! All your money's still there since you didn't waste one cent on a gift that wouldn't ever be good enough.
Oh no. You forgot to make reservations, but you don't stress since you're only feeding yourself! Instead, you smoke a joint in the drive-thru while waiting for your delicious Valentine's Day meal for one.
Valentine's Day is a definite party when you don't have anyone to disappoint. You and your buds have a few drinks when a group of girls all named Karen come start talking to you.
Score! You make out with Carin, the tallest of the three, in the bathroom. Being single on Valentine's Day is great!
You end up in the world's coolest Uber and smoke a joint with the driver who tells you the best thing he ever did was give up on dating. #youtoo
Since it's a special occasion, you pop a bottle and toast to how good you are to yourself, something you couldn't do if you weren't single on Valentine's Day.
Honest Timeline: Making It to the Airport on Time
Have you enjoyed a single Valentine’s Day? In the comments, tell us the best story from when you rolled solo on Feb. 14!