Drunk America: Ranking the States by Their Blood-Alcohol Level (And How They Got so High)
Guzzling down drinks is easily one of the great American pastimes. According to a new study by Safe Home, our forefathers actually drank twice as much as we do, imbibing 5.8 gallons of delicious alcoholic beverages per person annually compared to the 2.3 gallons modern Americans drink on average now. If America loves drinking so much, which states are the drunkest and what’s causing their BAC to be so high? Like always, we’ve crunched the numbers so you don’t have to. Keep reading to discover the secrets of drunk America.
Photo: Vladimir Vladimirov (Getty Images)
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In the winter, there are parts of Alaska that are dark for up to two months, which is basically one long night of drinking.
Kansas is smack dab in the middle of America and like most middle children, it drinks for attention.
Illinois is where the term "white girl drunk" originated and hopefully it will die there soon.
Drinking in Minnesota is such an intense way to spend time that craft breweries there sell enough beer annually to pay for the entire state to stream Netflix for over two years!
The gang from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is the cultural icon to emerge from Pennsylvania. And if we know anything from this irreverent comedy, it's that the whole state must be filled with miserable drunks.
Oregon is where hipsters go to die and hipsters like to get hammered. So this checks.
Maine has some of the weirdest drinking laws in the country. For reference, you cannot buy alcohol before 9 a.m. on a Sunday unless that day is St. Patrick's Day. The state might try to regulate drinking, but the good people of Maine know to avoid this by stocking up on booze and drinking until they're dead.
13. Rhode Island
Two states refused to ratify the 18th Amendment to solidify Prohibition and Rhode Island is one of them. It's obviously still upset about being cheated out of the drink.
Connecticut was the other state that refused to ratify the 18th Amendment.
11/10. Massachusetts (Tie With Colorado)
Ugh, this one is easy. First it's because their sports team sucked and now it's because they win but they cheat. It's the vicious cycle of people who have no life outside of their local sports team.
11/10. Colorado (Tie With Massachusetts)
The great state of Colorado drinks so heavily because Hunter S. Thompson is their patron saint. And to pay homage to HST, inhabitants are constantly getting wasted.
The Children of the Corn stigma is seared into the psyche of the Nebraskans. To cope, they obviously drink.
Montana is so high on this list because it's the only place left in America where people can still get drunk on a horse and no one will care.
At this point in American history, the burden of kicking off the caucuses is too much for Iowans, so they spend all their free time trying to forget by getting hammered.
There are a wide variety of reasons Wisconsin is on this list, like this essay, "Wisconsin: Go Drunk, You're Home." We consider this a sign that it's OK to extend sober January.
5. North Dakota
North Dakota drinks because it has Mount Rushmore and people still can't remember which one it is half the time.
4. New Hampshire
Before it became a state, New Hampshire was the first colony to declare its independence from England, and they're still obviously celebrating it in the name of drunk America.
3. South Dakota
There are two Dakotas. South Dakota drinks because it's the one everyone forgets.
It actually does sound very Vermont to be this damn drunk because the people of this great state believe you need three drinks to start your day.
1. District of Columbia
Our country's capital definitely gets rowdy, and that's because it's the epicenter of the weird that is this drunk America.
Do you live in one of the drunkest states in America? Does your typical BAC reflect the findings in this study? Let us know in the comments!