How to Make Any Situation 10 Times More Awkward Than It Already Is
From the team-building seminar that Bob from Human Resources put together to your ex-girlfriend’s lesbian wedding, life is full of awkward moments. But don’t stop at just an awkward hug or prolonged silence. Not when, with minimal effort, you too can make everyone around you all kinds of uncomfortable in as little as five seconds. Take those awkward moments to the next level with these sure-fire ways to spice up your unwieldy social encounters. Bob in H.R. will thank you for it.
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Begin popping and locking your limbs while repeating ‘download in progress.’
Then go completely still and let your head droop until the reboot is complete.
Take off your pants and begin steaming them with an imaginary iron.
Depending on what you're wearing underneath, this could be a real game changer.
Smile, un-smile, repeat.
Make eye contact with strangers and/or coworkers while quietly letting out a high-pitched squeal. As soon as someone smiles back, go stone-faced. Try doing it for a whole year and watch your masterpiece unfurl.
Excuse yourself, return as a furry.
Enter the room as if you're on a business call. Finish the call like a boss, then ask if anyone happens to have any cheddar.
Let one rip, walk away.
Perfect for confined spaces or job interviews.
Let one rip, hold your ground.
Dinner parties and double dates can especially benefit from this timeless move. Make sure everyone can tell from the sound that it was so much more than a fart.
Force everyone to give you a high-five and then pull away on the low-five.
Unsolicited high-fives are the best, especially at funerals and on deathbeds.
Express to the group your recent thoughts regarding choking a dolphin.
Demonstrate these thoughts on yourself until everyone in the room gets the picture. When you feel you've made your point, sit back down and confirm, "Do you know what I mean?"
Ask if they’ve heard the new David Hasselhoff record.
The ultimate segue for any conversation. Just be careful when bringing out the big guns, Hasselhoff is not for the novice practitioner.
Stand up and slap yourself while quoting the Bible.
Great at church functions and children's birthday parties.
Casually bring up the subject of circumcision.
Just sort of lob it out there during a conversational lull. Perfect for first dates, DUI check points, and meeting her parents for the first time.