10 Things Guaranteed to Go Horribly Wrong at Your Office Holiday Party
The office holiday party is a necessary evil. While the higher-ups genuinely think this will be a time for team bonding, you know better. This festive soiree is just an awkward exercise in socializing with people you wouldn’t even acknowledge in public if you didn’t have to work with them. There will be booze, yes, but that can only end badly. There will be room-temperature finger foods with unidentifiable dips. There will be Secret Santa gifts nobody wants. And there will be any number of mishaps, some more outrageous and dangerous than others. Before you clock out of your day job and check in to the obligatory celebration, make sure you’re prepared by reviewing these 10 things guaranteed to go horribly wrong at your office holiday party. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Cover Photo: Oppenheim Bernhard (Getty Images)
Naughty or nice: A Mandatory Guide to Being a Classic Gentleman at Holiday Parties
The IT guys will play air guitar.
You may think you're safe by packing the holiday party playlist with Mannheim Steamroller, but the die-hard metalheads from IT will inevitably find a way to insert themselves (and their embarrassing air guitar) into the holiday music lineup.
Your office crush will be the worst at karaoke.
You have a crush on your new coworker but have managed to keep things professional so far. Your hope was that the office holiday party would provide the ultimate ice breaker so you could finally ask her out, but here she is, on top of the conference table, drunk off her ass, belting out "Without You" completely off-key. Talk about a buzzkill.
Your boss will try (and fail) to be cool.
Your boss is going on 10 years sober, so there's really no excuse for her cringe-tastic dance moves and lame attempts to use Gen Z slang at the snack table. No one could ever relax around her and all the booze in the world can't change that. If there ever was an "OK, boomer," moment, this is it.
The office douchebag will think he's the next 'Jackass' star.
After a few drinks, everyone thinks they're invincible. Of course, they aren't. But that won't stop the office douchebag from trying to prove it with a bottle-smashing contest. Where's security when you need them?
The office CrossFitter will take off his shirt.
We know Liam's been killing it at CrossFit this year, but nobody asked to see his bare chest. And yet, here it is, in all its pale, hairless glory in the middle of "Despacito." At least he had the decency to cover up his nipples.
You will be propositioned.
You thought Jess and Jonathan were such a sweet, innocent couple and office romance role models. As it turns out, they're more naughty than nice, and they want you to be the guest star in their next homemade porn flick.
The Christmas tree will topple.
Whether by accident or intention, there's no way the office Christmas tree will remain upright until the end of the night. Just try to keep your tanked coworkers from eating the ornaments.
The office predator will insist on playing Santa.
A grown-up wanting to dress up as Santa Claus is creepy enough; asking coworkers to sit on their lap, however, is just downright perverted. It's bound to happen, though, and it'll likely be the sleaziest guy in the office who will don the red suit, hat, and beard and start begging all your female coworkers to take a seat and whisper in his ear what they really want for Christmas. Dethrone this guy by any means necessary.
A snowball fight will ensue.
Boys will be boys, and never is this truer than when there's snow on the ground, which can't just be left looking pretty outside. At least an indoor snowball fight between the two archenemies of the office will give you an opportunity to slip out into the night, Irish-goodbye style.
The office accountant will pass out on his desk.
Bill from accounting never could hold his liquor, but at least he does so politely. After too many red Solo cups of spiked punch, he'll pass out on his desk. No one will remember he exists by the end of the night and he'll wake up early the next morning in an empty office wondering why you didn't bother to rouse him.