Segway S-Pod Is a Hoverchair Car Seat For Adults Who Couldn’t Get More Pathetic, Should Make a Fine Piece of Trash Soon
Staying true to their niche of transporting shiftless tour groups around in slothful fashion, Segway has somehow kept itself moving through the years. But thanks to the S-Pod, their ultimate destination remains a mystery. Unveiling their latest creation at CES 2020, Segway ups the ante on the hoverboard‘s original design by removing the pesky flaw of having to stand up. Fitted with a joystick that shifts the center of gravity, users can now recline in style like Professor X as they zip across Walmart parking lots at 25 mph. Civilization is standing by to reject them en masse.
Segway hasn’t put a price tag on the unit yet and hasn’t confirmed whether or not the S-Pod will even be available to the public. For now, the company is targeting overweight CEOs and startups that have too much money on their hands not to blow on desperately futurist tomfoolery. Luckily, the S-Pod has the horsepower to handle ramps, so future owners can launch themselves directly into nearby landfills. Take a look at all the greatest inventions (found in the trash) for humans who no longer wish to use their limbs, and marvel at the unyielding power of human progress.
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Not only does it remove the obstacle of walking, it keeps you warm during those long, cold, lonely nights when nobody is swiping right.
In the perfect world, feet would never touch the floor. Enter the foot hammock, the swinging savior that hugs your feet between trips on your Segway S-Pod. The future is looking fantastic.