Mandatory Manners: How to Act Like a Big Boy at the Thanksgiving Table This Year
There’s something about going home for the holidays that triggers all the old patterns from our past that we thought we’d outgrown. But we’ve come too far this year, hit too many milestones, and had too many personal epiphanies to repeat any bad habits. So when you show up at your parents’ house for Thanksgiving dinner and mom tells you there isn’t enough space for you at the big table this year, don’t fall for the bait. Keep your cool, hand her the big boy chair you brought from the city, and let her know your days at the kids’ table are over.
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Ditch the pajamas.
Adulting is all about being uncomfortable in public. So while nothing hugs your body quite like your flannel penguin pajamas, dressing up a little will earn you big boy points right out the gate.
Bring a nice bottle of wine.
It doesn’t matter how fancifully you present the bottle, Charles Shaw is always going to be a joy killer. Stop making people wince at your contribution and throw an extra $10 at it.
Save the bong rip until after dinner.
Thanksgiving day always has lots of downtime before dinner. And we know it feels like the perfect time to chief a bong rip and go skipping through the great big pile of leaves sitting in the neighbor's front yard. But this year, wait until after grandma goes to bed to get too stoned to visit. After all, we don't know how many more of these grandma has left.
Don't freak out this year if there's not enough pumpkin pie to go around. Just remember you can buy an entire pie for yourself and eat it alone in your apartment once this meal is over. Just keep it together for one more hour.
Share the remote.
Stop sitting on the remote like it's a throne and the other guests are invaders trying to topple your reign. Let democracy win. Giving is living.
Use your napkin.
We know you let the gravy hang from your chin in a strategic move to access extra flavor when needed, but this year, try keeping your face clean the entire meal.
Don't call your ex.
Something about the holidays makes us weak and lonely. But staying strong and not drunk-dialing Gina who broke up with you three years ago is a sign that you're maturing.
Pitch in with the not-so-fun stuff.
When you sit at the kids' table, you don't have to worry about things like cooking or cleaning. But big boys help clear the table and do a round of dishes, even though it feels like prison for 10 solid minutes.
Don't black out.
Thanksgiving is essentially an open bar. Pace yourself during the meal so you don't hit peak blackout until after midnight. Your parents will be so proud.