Lowered Sexpectations: 8 Ways You’re Completely Disappointing Her in Bed
It isn’t easy to please a woman in bed. Each woman’s preferences are different and every woman’s body is its own unique wonderland. But just because satisfying her is a challenge doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try, and try hard. Whether or not the sex is good primarily rests on your (strong, manly) shoulders. If it’s bad, not only will you likely never see her again, you might not even know how you failed because some women will just keep their bedroom let-downs to themselves. But a recent Between Us Clinic survey of 1,040 women revealed that 41 percent of women would not date a man who couldn’t keep it up and 25 percent would break up because of it. That’s why we’re unpacking the ways you might be disappointing her in bed. Change your ways now, lover boy, and ensure the action never stops.
Cover Photo: Cardmaverick (Getty Images)
You can't keep it up.
Getting hard is sort of the prerequisite for sex. If you can't keep it up, this isn't going to go very far. She'll start to wonder why she didn't just stay home with her vibrator. Please, do whatever you need to do to get and stay hard.
You can't find the clitoris.
It's sweet of you to go down on her, but if you can't locate the clitoris, you're wasting your time. Study up on female anatomy before venturing down there again. If she's assertive (and you're lucky), she'll guide you to the right spot.
You're too aggressive.
She's a person, not a pocket pussy. Don't fuck her like you can just purchase a replacement if she breaks. While some women like a heavy hand in bed, even they might not want it rough-and-tumble all the time. If she goes super quiet on you or seems disengaged, you might be hitting it too hard. Slow down or ask her to get on top.
You use too many moves.
Sometimes, when a man wants to impress a woman in bed, he pulls out literally every move in his repertoire. Just when she's starting to enjoy one position, he flips her over and starts doing something completely unrelated. Or his hands are doing some crazy dance over all of her erogenous zones at once. Breathe. Focus. One move at a time, done well, is better than Cirque du Sex, thank you very much.
You surprise her.
Save surprises for outside the bedroom (unless it's the surprise of multiple orgasms for her). You should ask for consent for any major sex act (read: anal). Never just plunge in. She may not let you come back if you do.
You finish too fast.
How many times do we have to say this? Ladies. First. Once you finish, the sex is finished, so make sure she gets hers before you blow your load. It's the polite thing to do.
You take too long.
Spoiler alert: women don't need sex to last forever. They can be fans of efficiency. Too much pounding can cause dryness, soreness, and general discomfort for her. Make sure she's satisfied, then get the job done. She doesn't have all day.
You don't finish.
There's nothing quite so awkward as sex that doesn't have a happy ending. She will wonder why you didn't finish, and her scenarios will probably be more dramatic than the truth. Did she neglect to do something that gets you off? Is she not sexy enough? Does she smell? Or were you conflicted about having sex with her in the first place? Do you have a girlfriend and now feel guilty? The gloom and doom thoughts will never end...until you finish.
A final note: If you have a problem with ejaculation, swallow your pride and talk to your doctor or a sex therapist. There are pills and sprays and all sorts of exercises you can do to guarantee the good times keep on coming.