The Mandatory Gentleman’s Guide To Having Sex In Public
Photo: BraunS (Getty Images)
Public sex: It’s happening all around you, whether you know it or like it.
Being in the throes of passion can really raise the stakes when it comes to hooking up, especially, if you’re nowhere near home and just can’t wait to get it on. If you’ve found yourself in this exact situation, totally unprepared and suddenly in flagrante on the top of Diamond Head in Oahu, while cars pass by honking, you’re obviously not alone.
You are, however, violating about a dozen laws to get down and dirty in public. Which is why we’re stepping in with a Mandatory Gentleman’s Guide to Having Sex in Public.
Instead of painting the public with your DNA, followed by a series of unfortunate events, here’s how to have sex in public like the gentleman you always pretend to be. We know you’re in there, guys.
Dressing Room Desire
Nothing says "I want you," like asking your significant other to check out your outfit inside a dressing room. There's a door lock and just enough space to join the poor people's version of the Mile High Club.
Blow It Out In The Bathroom
There are bathrooms everywhere. Bars. Restaurants. Jiffy Lube. Why aren't you spending more time doing the deed in these very public spots that all have door locks? Because you don't think ahead.
If you want to take your workout to the next level, try sex in the gym. Obviously, this works best with same-sex couples, but what's public sex without a few hundred hurdles? Hopefully, one of you goes to a 24-hour gym or peak hour hookups could get a bit weird.
Get Her Wet
Enjoy the motion of the ocean, but obviously, avoid sex on the high sea. Stick with low tide lovemaking so the only thing you take home is sand in your crotch.
That Hybrid Life
Getting down in a classic car might sound like a good idea, but it's not. Stick with hybrids so nobody can hear you coming.
Do It Like They Do On The Discovery Channel
If you're the outdoors type, take a chance by going off the beaten path with your loved one. Just remember, you're not the only animal in the wild, so keep it quiet before you're mauled by a different kind of cougar.
For those of you who went pro with getting down in public, what lesson did you learn the hard way? Tell us your best tips in the comments!