Weird News: German Man Dies After Blowing Up Condom Machine In Botched Robbery

I don’t care how many times you shit your pants after your grandma undercooked the ham. Your Christmas was still way better than this guy’s.

According to BBC News, a 29-year-old German man died on Christmas Day when he and two accomplices tried to rob a condom machine in Schöppingen by blowing it up with a homemade bomb.

Police said all three men attempted to take cover in their vehicle, but one of them didn’t close his door in time and was struck in the head by a “steel shard” that was sent flying through the air after the explosion.

His two pals hauled ass to a local hospital, where they told authorities their unconscious friend had fallen down a flight of stairs and injured his head.

The police weren’t buying the story, however, and the two surviving men eventually caved and admitted to blowing up the condom dispenser. Upon inspection of the crime scene, authorities were able to determine that none of the condoms or money had been taken, so the men were released from custody.

No word if the men were robbing the condom machine for the money or because they were too embarrassed to purchase rubbers from the hot girl at CVS.

Hey, at least he didn’t die while having sex with it: Man Dies After Having Sex With Scarecrow

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