Mullets Are Getting Banned But We Argue There’s Never Been a Better Time For Them
Photo: Anthony Redpath (Getty Images)
We’re rarely for banning things. We’re completely against banning books like Slaughterhouse-Five and The Catcher in the Rye. We don’t enjoy bans on things like Cuban cigars, nunchucks, and Four Loko. But, when it comes to hairstyles, we’re all for banning middle-aged women with the “I need to talk to the manager” haircut or the over-the-top permed look for anyone under the age of 75. But one haircut we never want to be banned is the classic, always classy mullet.
That’s why we’re so bummed to learn that an Australian day school for boys has banned the epic, flamboyant hairstyle. Popularized in the 1980s and adorned by the likes of William “Billy” Zabka in The Karate Kid, Kiefer Sutherland in Lost Boys, and Patrick Swayze in pretty much every movie he starred in during that decade, the mullet is apparently making such a comeback that Perth’s Trinity College banned it.
The school sent out a letter to parents that stated: “It is without reservation that the College sets clear requirements that ensure health and safety, as well as setting a high standard for personal presentation. The current trend of growing the hair at the back of the head and/or closely cropping the sides of the head to accentuate the ‘mullet’ style are untidy, non-conventional, and not acceptable at Trinity College.”
It added that any boys who come to school rocking this fantastically nostalgic hairstyle will be sent home and told to cut off that rad tail. If they refuse, they’ll be penalized more. What that means, we don’t know. We can only assume they can’t play cricket, or they have to fight a kangaroo or something.
Regardless, this ban is only drawing more attention to this beloved hairstyle. It makes us want to prove this school wrong by listing eight reasons why the mullet is not only the greatest haircut ever, but why it’s making a comeback.
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Business in the front, party backstage.
The main reason the mullet is such a primo hairstyle is that the front of your head is saying “I’m a normal functioning adult with a job” and the back is saying “I just want to rock out all day long.”
What’s old is new again.
Nostalgia is a big deal. What’s more nostalgic than a hairstyle you rocked when you were a kid in the '80s or '90s? Plus, if you’re working from home, who cares what your hair looks like?
Mullets are easy to maintain.
To maintain a bowl cut, you simply need to place a literal bowl on your head and trim around it. To maintain a mullet, simply stop cutting once you reach the ears. Bam! You’ve got yourself a classic mullet.
Can be turned into a rat tail if need be.
If you wear a mullet for a few months and then you realize that you want to up the proverbial ante, it’s fairly easy to trim it up and turn it into a rat tail. If 2020 was the year of the mullet, we’ll say 2021 is when the rat tail makes its triumphant return.
Skullets are OK too.
If you’re bald on top, but you have a horseshoe around the sides of your head, fear not. The mullet is still a perfect haircut for you. Also called the “skullet,” it’s been rocked by notable celebrities including Hulk Hogan and Gallagher.
Mullets are easy to hide.
One of the best aspects of the mullet is that, since it's only long in the back, it can easily be tucked under a large hat if you’re trying to look a little more business. That is if your business allows jaunty caps.
Pretend you’re in an '80s movie.
Whether you prefer to be a bully/jock or the loveable loser hero, you can easily pretend you’re in some kind of John Hughes film all day every day when you’re rocking a boisterous, flowing mullet.
No longer need to wear sleeves.
Wearing a mullet is like sounding an alarm that says “I’m here to party.” This means that having sleeves attached to your T-shirts and button-downs is no longer necessary. Who needs sleeves anyway?
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