The Donald Trump Guide to Drinking Water Like a Completely Respectable President
Listen up! You Twitter-loving snowflakes need to learn some respect. Our president is mocked just too much! One thing that Twitter just loves to do is rip on how Trump drinks his H2O! You need to understand the method behind it. Maybe you will realize that his genius is too far out there for you to even grasp, and there is a meaning behind why it’s OK to be a full-grown man and carefully drink your water like it’s dripping out of a sippy cup. So pull up a chair, we’ve got the hamsters in the wheel here at Mandatory to provide the GIFs while we get you educated on how to drink water like a respectable president!
Cover: Mark Wilson (Getty Images)
More social media drama: Trump Finally Finds Someone He Agrees With: Himself (And Twitter Obviously Overreacts)
Two hands provide great balance. You do not have to worry about the bottle slipping away, tilting over, and most importantly, wasting water!
It's So Simple
See, look! He can drink with one hand if he wants to. But there are plenty of reasons as to why this is wrong! Safety first!
As we get things going, it's important to know you must always stay hydrated! You do not know when your next WrestleMania match will happen. Fitness!
Water Is Cool!
There is nothing sexier about a man who knows how important it is to carefully drink water. Ladies love a man who never spills a drop. Machismo!
Deal With It!
If you don't like ladies and peak physical prowess, then you of course will just be lost on how important water maintenance is! Jealousy!
If you do roll with the risks and go one-handed, carefully think out your plan, move in slow, and take your sip. You will still have many risks! Plan!
Water Accidents Kill!
With one hand, you risk meeting up with the greatest enemy of them all: death! You can almost choke to death if the water goes down too fast and down the wrong pipe!
Don't Be Stoopid!
If you think drinking water with two hands is weird, just look at how sleepy Joe eats his ice cream! Who does this?! Teeth first?! Lick the ice cream. Treats!
Nothing to Prove!
There is nothing to prove while drinking with one hand. You don't have to give looks and move your eyes around. Of course, you must be extra cautious with alcohol! Booze!
Obamagate Is Water!
Obamagate is about the waste of water! He risked dropping precious natural resources onto the ground by drinking with one hand! Two hands would have protected it more. Risky!
Too Much Water!
You don't want to have too much water! Or you can flood your internal organs! Thousands of people die yearly by drinking too much water at once! Be careful! Hey, what's with that GIF? That is not the GIF provided for this description.
Sweat Is Bad!
Staying hydrated is important when getting fit! You need to -- wait, what GIF is this?
Earth's Natural Resource
Water is -- stop with the incorrect GIFs. Who is doing this?!
Great Leaders and Water
All true leaders -- you son of a...