‘E.T.’ Actor Henry Thomas Caught Drunk Driving, Terrified to Phone Home

The long-awaited “sequel” to E.T. just dropped on Xfinity, and fans are freaking out. Sadly, E.T.’s return to the spotlight has already begun to cast shadows on his personal life. Though the beloved icon claimed in a recent interview that he is “no longer on the sauce,” Henry Thomas, the actor who plays Elliot, was coincidentally busted for driving under the influence at the same time E.T. was allegedly having a quiet night in “at home with my dog.” Thomas was discovered by police asleep behind the wheel at a busy intersection in Oregon.

Much in the same way he once became intoxicated while dissecting frogs in biology class, Thomas accepted all responsibility for his actions in an effort to protect his long-time friend from media scrutiny. But sources close to the alien report that E.T. has indeed fallen off the wagon after a 37-year stint in rehab, enticed by all the new commercial drugs available on-demand, particularly lemon shandies and fast-acting THC tablets. If the intergalactic gardener hopes to rebuild his crumbling relationship with his best bud, he’s going to need a whole lot more than a bag of Reese’s Pieces. So in the spirit of Christmas, we came up with some unsolicited advice for E.T. to help him get his act together.

Photo: Xfinity

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