7 Douche-Free Ways to Pre-Game Your Saturday Night
Photo: Henrik Sorenson (Getty Images)
Saturday night is a two-headed beast. It can be the best night of the week or a disastrous letdown. Men have tried for centuries to perfect the pre-game rituals that ensure a good night ahead, but the best we’ve come up with so far pretty much involves getting half-drunk on ice-cold tequila shots before leaving the house. And while there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s high time we tried something different for a change. Skip the typical pre-game liquoring up with these out-of-the-box ideas that just might transform your Saturday night into an evening of certain greatness. Let the fun-monkey feeding-frenzy begin!
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Watch 'Saturday Night Fever'
Downtime is the perfect time to ready your mind for the big night out. And a movie that spends half its time following Tony Manero as he struts down the New York City sidewalk might be just the medicine you need to get the guys loose before the fun begins. A bonus side-effect is that everybody in your group will quietly be playing "Staying Alive" in their heads as you strut down the street like an enormous, oversexed John Travolta.
Try a 20-Minute Group Improv
Laughter is the best medicine for every situation, including but not limited to, pre-gaming your Saturday night. Having fun before the action starts is a great way to elevate your mood and take some pressure off the rest of the night. One of the secret benefits of improv is that it sharpens your mind like a samurai sword while removing your inhibitions faster than a triple shot of vodka. That means you'll have a significant edge when making that first move on the cutie at the end of the bar, then immediately find the right words to steer the conversation away from an icy road block to an erotic autobahn.
Listen to Tibetan Singing Bowls
Scientists and mystics agree that certain tones heal and ground the human spirit. So why not spend 45 minutes basking in the warm resonant glow of enlightened frequencies before hitting the pub? You'll feel totally zen when you roll up to find a queue forming at your local dive bar, and then again later when a drunk man in a fur hat spills beer on your shoes. Bonus: when your bowl is done singing, you can eat cereal out of it.
Do a 500-Piece Puzzle
Compared to a 500-piece puzzle, anything seems fun. Even a half-deserted bar with bad lighting and no beers on tap seems all right after the agony of a giant puzzle. If you've got low expectations for the night (because your annoying cousin is in town, or the girl you've been chatting up has other plans for the night), break out the Picasso jigsaw. Once the time comes to hit the streets, you'll be so thrilled to ditch the puzzle that you won't even mind heading over to Flanagan's for Kelly Clarkson karaoke night.
Jog 11 Miles
Sometimes pre-gaming is a solo endeavor. Clear your mind for the night ahead with a medium-to-light jog. It will get your heart rate up, get your sweat on, and limber up your connective tissue. When you walk into the party, you'll be moving like a panther on ecstasy. Not to mention the added oxygen you inhale will activate the conversational prowess in your brain's charm center and freshen up your lungs so you can talk a sweet-smelling game. There's almost nothing sexier to a woman than a bright-eyed, sweaty man in jogging pants.
Listen to 'Hot Rocks' in its Entirety
Going out on a Saturday night is like going to war, albeit a peaceful, fun-loving war where the objective is to have a good time, eat good food, have some tasty drinks, maybe dance a little, meet a girl, and not break the bank. Okay, so it's nothing like war. That's why listening to The Rolling Stone's classic collection Hot Rocks is the perfect preparation. Filled with undeniable grooves like "Under My Thumb" and "Get Off Of My Cloud," this record will get you fired up with just the right dab of impish perversion mixed with a hedonistic heaping spoonful of swagger. Plus, listening to an entire record shows commitment to the night ahead being a glorious one. It will get your crew on the same wavelength, ensuring that you enter the club like a pod of whales at a flounder party. "Satisfaction" guaranteed.
Choreograph an Entire Dance
You'll never know how surreal life can get until you're faced with the threat of a sudden-death dance off with a rival gang who thinks you and your friends stole their suitcase full of tap shoes. Be prepared for such an occasion by using your next pre-game evening to choreograph a killer number that will win audience approval when it counts. Because you never know what will happen come Saturday night.