Expert Says Giant Palm-Sized Cockroaches Make ‘Great Pets’ For Kids

Photo: andrewburgess (Getty Images)

So your kid is begging you for a dog, but you know they won’t take care of it. Not to worry! Instead of a dog who will no doubt shit on your carpet, you should get your child a giant cockroach that will give birth to at least 30 babies. Fun!

According to Daily Mail, Damiien Sallustio from Dubbo says he is the owner of Large Burrowing Cockroaches, also known as Rhinoceros Cockroach because of their massive size. These things barely fit into your hand, can live for over ten years and weigh 30 grams. If your stomach can take it, here’s a video:

Um…

These beasts are obviously native to Queensland in Australia simply because everything in Australia is straight out of The Mist.

Here’s what Sallustio had to say about these cockroaches:

“I had owned them for a year and half until a heatwave came through and killed them. I decided to get giant burrowing cockroaches after reading how easy they were to look after and being great pets. Caring for them is extremely easy, a young child with the help of their parents could easily look after then.

They don’t bite, climb or even fly, they only need their enclosure cleaned once a week. They require sand to dig burrows, and strictly only eat dried gum leaves! I’d tell people who think they are gross is give them a chance, they’re nothing like the cockroaches that go through people’s homes. They live for 10 years, only breed once a year, only eat dried gum leaves, and they are extremely clean animals, they make perfect kid pets!”

Who the hell wants a puppy to cuddle with when they can snuggle up to something that shoots out 30 babies?

Time to move: Here’s Where You Can Expect To Find The Most Cockroaches And Rats In America

Interested in getting one? It’s going to cost you up to $60. Still, that’s $60 less than you will have to spend on the date you won’t be going out on when someone finds out you keep roaches as pets.