This Bald Michigan Man Stole A Bunch Of Rogaine

Photo: Sakkawokkie (Getty)

There are three types of dudes who I can’t put into words how I sorry I feel for them. The first is they guy who is born with a tiny pecker, and that’s for obvious reasons. Second, I feel so bad for dudes who have back hair that is so thick and long that you could shave it and donate it to charity. And finally, I feel quite bad for those poor bastards who eventually go bald.

Luckily for each gentleman who has to deal with these unfortunate issues, there have been some great advancements in the worlds of science and medicine. The bad news is that sometimes those advancements just cost too damn much.

Well, according to The Smoking Gun, desperate times called for desperate measures for one bald man in Michigan wearing an “Air Force Dad” shirt last week, as he finally had enough of playing the game of life without any hair on his dome and decided to gank seven boxes of Rogaine from a Dearborn CVS Pharmacy.

balding

Cops have yet to identify the man, but they do suspect that he’ll be on the prowl for more of the product since “12–14 months of consistent use is needed to see results.”

We’re sure the management team at CVS isn’t laughing about it, but the police seem to have a decent sense of humor about it, saying, “While this is not the most hair-raising crime, we must protect our retailers as these crimes drive up the retail costs for honest consumers.”

The good news for the thief is that if that shit really works, it should become a tad harder to identify him if he decides to strike again. Well, unless he wears that same shirt.

Not this young lady’s best day: South Carolina Stripper Arrested For Stealing Condoms And Biting Off Walmart Worker’s Finger