Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel Join Club of Celebrity Parents With Terribly Named Kids
With everyone in quarantine, celebrities have been able to keep big news on the down-low like never before. The latest late-breaking revelation in the world of the rich and famous? That Justin Timberlake and wife Jessica Biel had another child.
The baby boy was born in 2020, Timberlake revealed on The Ellen DeGeneres Show. “He’s awesome and he’s so cute … and nobody’s sleeping,” Timberlake said. “We’re thrilled and couldn’t be happier.”
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A couple of celebs had already let the cat out of the bag. Jimmy Fallon of the Tonight Show told Entertainment Tonight that the baby was “adorable and already funny” in November. And Timberlake’s fellow ‘N Sync boy band member Lance Bass told the same outlet that “the baby is cute of course, it’s Justin and Jessica!”
The baby may be awesome and cute, but his name is definitely not. It’s Phineas. You know, like the animated Disney series Phineas and Ferb. (Or like the Hebrew name that means “oracle.” We’re unsure where these two get their baby name inspiration.)
We suppose we shouldn’t be surprised by the awful moniker – Phineas has a 5-year-old brother named Silas (which means “forest” or “woods” in Latin). Yikes. These kids are going to get teased mercilessly (if school’s ever back in session).
Look, it’s not our business what anyone names their baby, but we’re totally entitled to add it to our growing list of crappy celebrity baby names. Check out some other stinkers below.
Cover Photo: Rodin Eckenroth / Stringer (Getty Images)
10. Apple Martin
We love apples as much as the next person, but why would you name your kid after produce? The poor daughter of actress Gwyneth Paltrow and Coldplay singer Chris Martin is stuck with this fruity name for life.
Photo: MJ Kim (Getty Images)
9. Blue Ivy Carter
Flora often serves as baby name inspiration, but the daughter of musical artists Jay-Z and Beyonce got stuck with a stinker of a name.
Photo: Kevin Mazur (Getty Images for NARAS)
8. Kulture Kiari Cephus
If you're going to name your kid after a noun, could you at least spell it correctly? Apparently not if you're the daughter of rappers Cardi B and Offset.
Photo: Johnny Nunez/WireImage (Getty Images)
7. Psalm West
We get it, Kanye West. You're a born-again Christian. But did you have to make your son with Kim Kardashian West bear a bible-thumping name as proof? We'd bet anything he'll end up being an atheist.
Photo: Kim Kardashian (Instagram)
6. Bear Blaze Winslet
We thought Kate Winslet had more sense (and sensibility), but the name for her son with Edward Abel Smith is all kinds of hippie woo-hoo.
Photo: Max Mumby/Indigo (Getty Images)
5. Speck Wildhorse Mellencamp
This one we just don't understand at all. For a talented lyricist like John Mellencamp to name his son with Elaine Irwin something as insignificant as dust just blows our minds.
Photo: Paul Natkin/WireImage (Getty Images)
4. Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf-Lee
As hardcore cartoon fans, we could maybe get behind Inspector Gadget as a kid's name, but Pilot Inspektor just sounds like a job description. Still, it was the moniker of choice for the son of actor Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf.
Photo: Michael Buckner (Getty Images for IMG)
3. Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen
How many drugs do you think Frank Zappa and Adelaide Gail Sloatman-Zappa were on when they named their daughter something that sounds like a diet food brand? It was the '70s, after all.
Photo: David Crotty/Patrick McMullan (Getty Images)
2. Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale
No doubt two songwriters could come up with a sweet-sounding name for their son. Instead, Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale came up with what could be the next big name in hard seltzer.
Photo: Chris Wolf/FilmMagic (Getty Images)
1. X Æ A-12 Musk
We don't know what this name means but one thing is clear: Grimes and Elon Musk clearly hate their kid already.
Photo: Taylor Hill (Getty Images)
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