has devolved to the type of show that makes zero headway by dragging out aimless plot lines for an entire season(s). Countless episodes blindly walking and talking, only to introduce a similar and somehow more inferior product: The Walking Dead With the expanding “TWD” Universe, Rick Grimes movies ahead and the comics complete, there’s only one thing left for the overly-confident disaster-minds at AMC to do now: Fear The Walking Dead. The Walking Dads. Considering the ingenious similarities between Rosita’s three baby-daddies and the 1987 classic Three Men and a Baby, it’s about the only entertaining story left we have left to see for the zombie franchise. It’s essentially Three Men and a Little Zombie, eventually anyways.
Cover Photo: American Movie Classics (AMC)
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The Walking Dads
You've got 3 men who otherwise wouldn't be doing something so involved together.
Gabriel, Eugene, and Siddiq aren't exactly in the market for friendship bracelets.
One is smart, one is ruggedly handsome, and one is just happy to be involved.
Three Men and a Baby has an architect, actor, and cartoonist. The Walking Dead has a doctor, priest and a creepy science guy (holding onto his friendship with Rosita for dear life).
These men all have one thing in common.
A serious birth control issue. Similarly to the whole Jerry Springer scenario involving Rick, Laurie, and Shane, Rosita's situation is delicate. She is in a relationship with Gabriel, her baby’s father is Siddiq, and Eugene has a serious crush on the mother in question (copping a glance at things he shouldn't be all the time). All three of the men involved in this love square feel responsible for baby Coco. It’s only a matter of time before hijinks, forced sentiment, and toe-tapping montages ensue.
Kids are a nightmare.
Normally, a baby is a cause for celebration— the circle of life. In a zombie apocalypse, a baby complicates an already complicated situation; we've seen this with Judith and baby Hershel. It’s all about survival on
The Walking Dead and an infant’s inability to take care of themselves is a serious liability. The wandering single life is much less stressful. Take Rick Grimes, for example, that king faked his own death to get away from his kids.
It's almost impossible to keep them quiet.
Walkers like noise; they are drawn to it and find their meals because of it. One could see how a crying baby or whining kid might be a problem.
There will be confusion.
For some reason, there seem to be a lot more eligible bachelors in the zombie apocalypse than available women. Daryl, for example, seems to be well aware of this (the world stuck in a never-ending debate over his sexuality); you can’t lose the game if you never play. Eugene understands the power of a good haircut, Gabriel (he's totally cheating on Rosita) tends to his “flock,” and Siddiq flirts with his new nurse, Dante.
Tensions will be high.
Obviously Rosita needs to leave Coco with the fellas for a while in order for true hijinks to ensue. Maybe Daryl finally threw his hat into the ring and he and Rosita rode off into the sunset. At first, it’ll be messy. Eugene will say some convolutedly shitty things to Gabriel, who will, in turn, get angry at Siddiq and so on. There will be tears. Regardless, it’s time for Gabriel, Eugene, and Siddiq to change some diapers and hide the heroin…wait, no, that's
Three Men and a Baby.
The dads will have to come together when mommy is away.
Eventually, all three of the men will come together over their love for Coco; they’ll harmonize the lyrics to Eminem’s “Not Afraid” (because that’s their favorite song from 2010) as a bedtime song all while Carl's ghost hangs out in the background, wondering where it all went wrong.
It will be beautiful.
After overcoming their differences, the 3 Alexandrians will never have been more in sync.
They'll find a sitter on occasion.
Every now and again, Gabriel, Eugene, and Siddiq will need some time off from Coco (as all parents do). Luckily for them, a new member of the community, an ex-bartender just so happens to be great with kids. His name is Ted.
Related: 'Cheers' to 'The Good Place': The Understated Hilarity of Ted Danson
Something horrible will happen.
TWD universe, it can't be all sunshine and rainbows forever; whether it's a somber cab ride or a baseball bat to the head, something bad always happens. One day, while the dads are away, Ted and Coco go for a stroll outside the walls of Alexandria. Whilst relaxing beneath a tree, a walker leaps out from behind them; Ted takes a fatal hickey to the neck. Coco gets bit but not devoured (the walker being satisfied with the five-course serving of Ted).
They'll still find a way to live happily ever after.
Turns out, Daryl likes dudes. Rosita comes back to her family and Daryl comes home an openly gay male. Eugene, Gabriel, and Siddiq explain the whole "zombie Coco" situation to Rosita, suggesting a more cohesive living arrangement. The four parents chain Coco up in the basement and move in together. Forever cherishing life, love and the communal walker-sitting experience. But really, they'll just continue walking, talking, and fighting the 8th and 16th episode of every season—ultimately accomplishing nothing.
Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.